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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064094672" data-attributes="member: 14320">Prosthetic PenisBob goes to the Doctor to find out that he has a rare form of penis cancer. Unfortunately, after the operation Bob was left feeling "inadequate", so he was sent to the prosthetic department in the hospital.While in the department, Bob approaches the head nurse and requests for the appropriate prosthetic penis. The nurse pulls out a box and removes the lid. Bob agrees, "That's about the size of what I had before the surgery, but I was wondering if you had something a little bigger." The nurse then pulls out a container about the size of a boot box and removes the lid. Bob exclaims with joy, "Yes, that's it,that's the one for me. This will really appease the ladies and make me famous in town. Of course, just out of curiosity do you have anything bigger?" The nurse complies with his request and pulls out a box that a dozen roses could fit in. Bob is ecstatic, "Holy-shit! That's it! I've got to have it. I don't care how much it costs. I've got to have it. Just one question, does it come in white?"==========Dear Paul,last week I left for work as normal but having only gone a mile my car broke down so I walked home again & arriving unexpectedly I found my 18yr old babysitter handcuffed to the bed in her school uniform with my husband bent over her!.. I am devastated can you help?..........Dear sally...A common cause for this is dirt in the carburetor don't let your fuel drop 2 low in the tank.Hope this helps,....PAUL.==========an elderly couple try spicing up their sex life, so the man says " tell you what, i will go down on you for a change", afterwards he comes up, face all green and says " Jesus Christ! what is that smell?, the woman replies " oh that's my arthritis. " the man says " arthritis? that wouldn't make you smell that bad" so she replies " I know, its in my shoulder, I cant bend round to wipe my arse".==========How do you know when you're at a gay bbq?Because there's no cunt there and the sausages taste like shitDirty Little JohnnyThe parish priest needs his house painted so he offers the job to one ofhis altar boys, Little Johnny. The first day Little Johnny paints theentire inside of the house, he's sweating like hell but eventually getsit finished.The priest commends him on the work and with a flourish hands him $5.Little Johnny looks at the money and says to the priest, "Thanks verymuch Father, . . . you're a virgin."The priest is a bit startled but makes no remark. The next day LittleJohnny has to paint the outside of the house; it's a really hot day andhe just manages to finish the job without collapsing. The priest looksat the job and this time gives Little Johnny another $5 bill. Once againLittle Johnny looks at the money and says, "Thanks very much Father, youreally are a virgin."At this stage the priest decides to take action. "Little Johnny," hesays, "that's twice you called me a virgin. Do you have any idea whatthe word means?""Yes," says Little Johnny, "it means a tight cunt!"*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸, *¤º°`°º¤* ,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*There once was a man from Racine,Who invented a fucking machine,concave and convex,it fucked either sexand jerked off itself in between._____A psychiatrist and a proctologist from StuttsDid really show some pure guts.They put up a signAt 4th Street and Vine.That read we treat nuts and butts!*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸, *¤º°`°º¤* ,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*,¸¸,*¤º°`°º¤*One mortician calls the other in to look at newly arrived body. "Hey,Joe! You've got to see this.", says Chester. "You know that good lookingblonde they just brought in…well she has a shrimp stuck up her cunt""This I've got to see." responds Joe.After examining the body Joe says, "That's not a shrimp Chester.""It’s not? Well what the hell is it?" asks Chester."It’s her clit." says Joe.To which Chester replies, "Well it sure tastes like shrimp." Another BlondeA blonde woman is walking down the street, withher blouse open. A cop is approaching from abouta block away, thinking, "Boy, myeyes must be going, it looks like that woman'sright breastis hanging out." As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out. When hegets face to face withher he says, "Ma'am, are you aware I could cite youfor indecentexposure?" She says, "Why, officer?""Well, your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says "OM Y GOD, I leftthe baby on the bus, again!"tttttAt a shoe store a salesman helps this woman to try on some shoes. As he lifts up her leg to put on the shoe, he can see downtown because she's not wearing any panties. Risking his job the guy says, "I could eat that full of ice cream." The woman gets all embarrassed, slaps the guy and runs out of the store. When she gets home she tells her husband to go beat that man up. Her husband says "First of all, you shouldn't have been anywhere without any panties. Second, I don't know what you were doing in there in the first place, because you have enough shoes as is. And thirdly, I'm not messing with anybody that eat that much ice cream."tttttThe other day, I was accosted by a hooker. She asked, "How 'bout some relaxing oral sex, honey? Only $50.""No way!" I responded. "I'm married!!!""So??? What difference does that make?" asked the hooker.So I told her, "The difference is.... My wife will do it for only $35."tttttYesterday's Headline NewsA man was Raped by a Group ofBeautiful Women when He wentout Jogging at the park...Today's Breaking newsHundreds of Men are Jogging atthe park....tttttA guy stumbles through his front door after a night of drinking holding a duck under his arm. His furious wife turns on the light and demands to know where he's been. The guy slurs, "This is the pig I've been fucking." His wife says, "That's not a pig." To which the guy replies, "I wasn't talking to you."</blockquote>

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