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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064105490" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Last Request</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The doctor walks up to John in the hospital. He says, "I'm sorry, but</p><p>your wife is very weak. I don't expect her to make it through the night.</p><p>Try to comfort her as best you can..."</p><p></p><p>John goes into her room, and says, "Dear, the doctor says things are</p><p>very bleak. Is there anything I can do to comfort you in your last</p><p>hours?"</p><p></p><p>She says, "Well, all these years we've been married, I'd always wished</p><p>that one day you'd fuck me in the ass, but you never have. Would you</p><p>please do that?"</p><p></p><p>John is astounded, but it's her last request, so he figures he should do</p><p>whatever she wants. Face it, he's thrilled. So, he rolls her over, lifts</p><p>her nightie, and proceeds to skewer her manure. Really stirs her lunch</p><p>for her, boffs her in the potty spot for hours.</p><p></p><p>The next morning the doctor looks in on her, and he can't believe it.</p><p>She's made an incredible rally, and is rapidly regaining her strength</p><p>and her health. By noon, she's up and walking. The doctor is</p><p>flabbergasted.</p><p></p><p>He pulls John out into the hall and says, "My God, man, she's like new!</p><p>She's going to live to be a hundred and twenty. What the hell did you do</p><p>in there?"</p><p></p><p>John is a little embarrassed by the whole situation. He says, "Well,</p><p>Doc, I...I...I just...I just fucked her in the ass for a while."</p><p></p><p>The doctor starts to cry uncontrollably.</p><p></p><p>John says, "Doc, what's wrong?"</p><p></p><p>The doctor says, "I could have saved my father!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~</span></strong></p><p></p><p>I'll tell, with the homos, it's not the dicks in their mouth and their</p><p>fannies...it's the not liking tits that I can't understand. I'd let a</p><p>guy fuck me in my ass if I could play with his girlfriend's tits while</p><p>he was doing it. Right?</p><p>Jackie Martling</p><p></p><p></p><p>What's the difference between a sheep and a door?</p><p>You can't bang a door in the middle of a field.</p><p></p><p>What's the difference between an ironing board and a blonde?</p><p>It's hard to get an ironing board's legs open.</p><p></p><p></p><p>What's the difference between a Nun and a whore in a bubble bath?</p><p>The Nun has hope in her soul!</p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">"Dad, what are you doing?"</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises</p><p>from his parents' room, and he decided to investigate. As he entered</p><p>their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all</p><p>they were worth.</p><p>"DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing?"</p><p>"It's ok," his father replied. "Your mother wants a baby, that's all."</p><p>The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was</p><p>pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face.</p><p>Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and</p><p>was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his</p><p>father.</p><p>"DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing now?"</p><p>"Son, there's been a change of plan," his father replied.</p><p>"Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">XXXXX</span></strong></p><p>What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South?</p><p>A homo-sex-y'all.</p><p>The dumbest part of a mans body is his penis.....</p><p>It hangs out with a couple of nuts,</p><p>lives next door to an asshole</p><p>and his best friend is a pussy!</p><p>How do you recycle toilet paper?</p><p>Hang it on the wall and bash the shit out of it.</p><p></p><p>What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy?</p><p>At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of</p><p>you.</p><p>Why did the blonde pee on the floor?</p><p>Because the sign said "wet floor."</p><p></p><p>How does a blonde moonwalk?</p><p>She pulls down her panties and slides her butt along the floor.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">XXXXX</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."</p><p></p><p>Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.</p><p></p><p>"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND</span></strong></p><p></p><p>10. Cats' facial expressions</p><p>9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors</p><p>8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds</p><p>7. Fat clothes</p><p>6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time</p><p>5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell</p><p>4. Cutting your hair to make it grow</p><p>3. Eyelash curlers</p><p>2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made</p><p>AND,</p><p>the Number One thing only women understand:</p><p>1. OTHER WOMEN</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">zzzzz</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The teacher once asked the class to make a sentence with the phrase</p><p>"pistol too".</p><p>Little Jimmy raised his hand, and after being recognized, said</p><p>The lone Ranger tamed the wild west with his faithful Indian companion</p><p>and his pistol too.</p><p>Very good says the teacher.</p><p>Little Johnnie raised his hand, and after being called on said</p><p>Down at our house we make homebrew, drink till twelve and piss till two.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">zzzzz</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde went out to her mail box and looked in, closed the door and</p><p>went back in the house. A few minutes later she went out and looked in</p><p>the mail box again. She did this several times and her neighbor that was</p><p>watching her said, You must be expecting a very important letter today</p><p>the way you keep looking into your mail box...</p><p>The blonde answered no, I am working on my computer and it keeps</p><p>telling me that I've got mail.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064105490, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Last Request[/COLOR][/B] The doctor walks up to John in the hospital. He says, "I'm sorry, but your wife is very weak. I don't expect her to make it through the night. Try to comfort her as best you can..." John goes into her room, and says, "Dear, the doctor says things are very bleak. Is there anything I can do to comfort you in your last hours?" She says, "Well, all these years we've been married, I'd always wished that one day you'd fuck me in the ass, but you never have. Would you please do that?" John is astounded, but it's her last request, so he figures he should do whatever she wants. Face it, he's thrilled. So, he rolls her over, lifts her nightie, and proceeds to skewer her manure. Really stirs her lunch for her, boffs her in the potty spot for hours. The next morning the doctor looks in on her, and he can't believe it. She's made an incredible rally, and is rapidly regaining her strength and her health. By noon, she's up and walking. The doctor is flabbergasted. He pulls John out into the hall and says, "My God, man, she's like new! She's going to live to be a hundred and twenty. What the hell did you do in there?" John is a little embarrassed by the whole situation. He says, "Well, Doc, I...I...I just...I just fucked her in the ass for a while." The doctor starts to cry uncontrollably. John says, "Doc, what's wrong?" The doctor says, "I could have saved my father! [B][COLOR="Red"]~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~^~*~[/COLOR][/B] I'll tell, with the homos, it's not the dicks in their mouth and their fannies...it's the not liking tits that I can't understand. I'd let a guy fuck me in my ass if I could play with his girlfriend's tits while he was doing it. Right? Jackie Martling What's the difference between a sheep and a door? You can't bang a door in the middle of a field. What's the difference between an ironing board and a blonde? It's hard to get an ironing board's legs open. What's the difference between a Nun and a whore in a bubble bath? The Nun has hope in her soul! [B][COLOR="Teal"]"Dad, what are you doing?"[/COLOR][/B] A small boy was awoken in the middle of the night by strange noises from his parents' room, and he decided to investigate. As he entered their bedroom, he was shocked to see his mom and dad shagging for all they were worth. "DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing?" "It's ok," his father replied. "Your mother wants a baby, that's all." The small boy, excited at the prospect of a new baby brother, was pleased and went back to bed with a smile on his face. Several weeks later, the little boy was walking past the bathroom and was shocked to discover his mother giving oral gratification to his father. "DAD!" he shouted. "What are you doing now?" "Son, there's been a change of plan," his father replied. "Your mother did want a baby, but now she wants a BMW." [B][COLOR="Red"]XXXXX[/COLOR][/B] What do you call a gay gentleman from the Deep South? A homo-sex-y'all. The dumbest part of a mans body is his penis..... It hangs out with a couple of nuts, lives next door to an asshole and his best friend is a pussy! How do you recycle toilet paper? Hang it on the wall and bash the shit out of it. What's the difference between driving in the fog and eating pussy? At least when you are eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you. Why did the blonde pee on the floor? Because the sign said "wet floor." How does a blonde moonwalk? She pulls down her panties and slides her butt along the floor. [B][COLOR="Red"]XXXXX[/COLOR][/B] A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while." Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom. "Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our asses just for sucking our thumbs." [B][COLOR="Teal"]TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND[/COLOR][/B] 10. Cats' facial expressions 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds 7. Fat clothes 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time 5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow 3. Eyelash curlers 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made AND, the Number One thing only women understand: 1. OTHER WOMEN [B][COLOR="Red"]zzzzz[/COLOR][/B] The teacher once asked the class to make a sentence with the phrase "pistol too". Little Jimmy raised his hand, and after being recognized, said The lone Ranger tamed the wild west with his faithful Indian companion and his pistol too. Very good says the teacher. Little Johnnie raised his hand, and after being called on said Down at our house we make homebrew, drink till twelve and piss till two. [B][COLOR="Red"]zzzzz[/COLOR][/B] A blonde went out to her mail box and looked in, closed the door and went back in the house. A few minutes later she went out and looked in the mail box again. She did this several times and her neighbor that was watching her said, You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into your mail box... The blonde answered no, I am working on my computer and it keeps telling me that I've got mail. [/QUOTE]
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