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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064155742" data-attributes="member: 14320">Italian Truisms* Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?Italians hate all witnesses.* Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said - TO NY.* You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.* You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit twocappicola sandwiches,4 oranges,2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.* Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.* You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.*You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.* You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.* If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his mother had an affair.* There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.* You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:* Your grandfather had a fig tree.* You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.* Christmas Eve . . . only fish.* Your mom's meatballs are the best.* You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.* Plastic on the furniture is normal.* You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."* You fight over whether it's called, "sauce" or "gravy."* You've called someone a "mamaluke."* And you understand "bada bing"Ten Signs He Wants To Get Laid1. Watching a nature show where animals fornicate, he keeps winking anddoing the eyebrow thing.2. When you ask him what kind of car he likes to drive, he solemnlyreplies, "The skin bus to tuna town," and then laughs until he cries.3. You note that integrity is so important in a man, he notes that whathe looks for in a "chick" is "you know."4. He whispers,"you' re beautiful," to your thighs, then glances up atyour face and says, "oh you, too."5. When you comment on the rarity of men these days who seek maturerelationships, he giggles quite a bit.6. In conversation with others, he refers to you as his "quality tail."7. Washing dishes after you've cooked him dinner for the first time,you reach behind you to take the paper towels off the paper-towel rodand then realize that you don't own a paper-towel rod.8. When you're insulted by his "motel" suggestion at the end of yourfirst date, he looks impressed and says, "hotel."9. When you proudly recount your glorious high school valedictoryspeech to him, he praises "your multi-talented mouth."10. When you tell him what you do for a living, he stares at yourbreasts and loudly asks, "What do they do?"There were two gay guys living together.One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine onelacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So,one day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair andif there was something he could do about it.Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and reallythe only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaselineall over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enoughto produce hair.The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home andsmothered his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed withhim, he felt the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?"The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for commentfrom his partner.Finally, his partner said, "Don't you think if that was true that youwould have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?"</blockquote>

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