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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064156637" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">"What's That?"</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A young girl walks in and sees her mother in the shower. She asks, "What's that, mommy?"</p><p>The mother says, "It's a vagina."</p><p>So the girl says, "When will I get one of those?"</p><p>"When you're a teenager," the mother replies.</p><p>Later on, the little girl walks in on her father while he's showering. "What's that, daddy?"</p><p>"It's a penis," he replies.</p><p>"When will I get one of those?" she asks.</p><p>The father says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>A gay guy walks into a bar and sits in the corner. A straight guy walks into the bar and says to the bartender "I'm so thirsty I could lick a cows balls!" Then the gay in the corner goes "moo!!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">========</span></strong></p><p>Remember how you used to blow Bubbles when you were little? Well, he's back in town!</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>After this horny guy dropped his pants,</p><p>the chick was dismayed to see that he had</p><p>only a 2-inch dick.</p><p>"Who the hell do you think you gonna satisfy</p><p>with that?" she demanded.</p><p>"Me" said the guy, with a smile.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">======</span></strong></p><p>A Tasmanian girl asked her dad if she could borrow his car that night so she could go</p><p>out with her friends. Her father replied "only if you suck my dick." The daughter thought</p><p>about this and decided she really needed the car, so she said alright. As she was sucking</p><p>she stopped and said "YUCK! this taste like shit!" to this her father replied "Oh, I forgot</p><p>to tell you, your brothers got the car tonight!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>A bloke walked up to a spunky</p><p>woman and said, "Excuse me, can</p><p>I smell you cunt!"</p><p>"Most certainly not!" she replied</p><p>"Then it must be you feet." he said.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Top Ways To Piss Off A Man</span></strong></p><p></p><p>*Tell him he has to recite a Shakespeare love sonnet before you agree to</p><p>do the horizontal bop.</p><p></p><p>*Tell him his brother is a better lay.</p><p></p><p>*Tell him his sister is better in bed than his brother is.</p><p></p><p>*Take the remote control apart and damage the circuit board inside. Put</p><p>the remote back together. Smile sweetly while he goes nuts.</p><p></p><p>*Create an email account in his best friend's name. Email him suggestive</p><p>letters and sign it, Love, Floyd.</p><p></p><p>*Rub his stomach. Say "Bhudda, Bhudda, bring me luck."</p><p></p><p>*Fake an orgasm while riding in the car and stopped at a stop sign.</p><p>Double points if the car is parked outside his favorite bar.</p><p></p><p>*Subscribe to Woman's World, Cosmo and Redbook. Make the</p><p>subscription in his name.</p><p></p><p>*Call your mom. While he's listening, invite her to move in with you.</p><p></p><p>*Buy 1 ticket to his favorite, sold-out sporting event. Say, "It was the</p><p>last one, but to prevent any hard feelings, I'll just tear it up so we</p><p>don't have to decide who goes." Burn the ticket.</p><p></p><p>*Out of the blue, look him straight in the eye and say, "It doesn't</p><p>matter." Ignore him for 30 minutes.</p><p></p><p>*Tell him your pregnant and you *think* he's the father.</p><p></p><p>*Write a letter to another guy during sex.</p><p></p><p>*Tell him you shoved $200 in $1 bills into a Chippendale dancer's shorts the</p><p>last time you went out for a night on the town with the girls.</p><p></p><p>*Clean his tools with his favorite shirt.</p><p></p><p>*Give him all kinds of fabulous promises about the best blowjob he's ever</p><p>had. Just before you start, say "DAMMIT! Chipped a tooth. Oh, well, it</p><p>won't matter."</p><p></p><p>*Tell him you've invited some friends over to play strip poker. Then say</p><p>that his golf/fishing/hunting/poker/drinking/etc. buddies should be here</p><p>any minute.</p><p></p><p>*Tell him you've always wanted to be a man and you finally have enough</p><p>money saved up for the operation. Triple points awarded if you say it in</p><p>front of his parents.</p><p></p><p>*Tell him you want to be closer to him all the time, so from now on your</p><p>gonna use ONLY his razors to shave your legs.</p><p></p><p>*Burn his favorite meal, three times in a row. Make a salad in its place.</p><p></p><p>*Tie him to the bed. Paint his toenails bright red.</p><p></p><p>*Tie him to the bed. Put on your sexiest lingerie. Do a striptease for</p><p>him. Then have a long, heart-to-heart talk with him.</p><p></p><p>*Tie him to the bed. Put on an adult movie with the sound on and the</p><p>screen turned at an angle that makes it VERY difficult to see.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064156637, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]"What's That?"[/COLOR][/B] A young girl walks in and sees her mother in the shower. She asks, "What's that, mommy?" The mother says, "It's a vagina." So the girl says, "When will I get one of those?" "When you're a teenager," the mother replies. Later on, the little girl walks in on her father while he's showering. "What's that, daddy?" "It's a penis," he replies. "When will I get one of those?" she asks. The father says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work." [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] A gay guy walks into a bar and sits in the corner. A straight guy walks into the bar and says to the bartender "I'm so thirsty I could lick a cows balls!" Then the gay in the corner goes "moo!!" [B][COLOR="Red"]========[/COLOR][/B] Remember how you used to blow Bubbles when you were little? Well, he's back in town! [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] After this horny guy dropped his pants, the chick was dismayed to see that he had only a 2-inch dick. "Who the hell do you think you gonna satisfy with that?" she demanded. "Me" said the guy, with a smile. [B][COLOR="Red"]======[/COLOR][/B] A Tasmanian girl asked her dad if she could borrow his car that night so she could go out with her friends. Her father replied "only if you suck my dick." The daughter thought about this and decided she really needed the car, so she said alright. As she was sucking she stopped and said "YUCK! this taste like shit!" to this her father replied "Oh, I forgot to tell you, your brothers got the car tonight!" [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] A bloke walked up to a spunky woman and said, "Excuse me, can I smell you cunt!" "Most certainly not!" she replied "Then it must be you feet." he said. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Top Ways To Piss Off A Man[/COLOR][/B] *Tell him he has to recite a Shakespeare love sonnet before you agree to do the horizontal bop. *Tell him his brother is a better lay. *Tell him his sister is better in bed than his brother is. *Take the remote control apart and damage the circuit board inside. Put the remote back together. Smile sweetly while he goes nuts. *Create an email account in his best friend's name. Email him suggestive letters and sign it, Love, Floyd. *Rub his stomach. Say "Bhudda, Bhudda, bring me luck." *Fake an orgasm while riding in the car and stopped at a stop sign. Double points if the car is parked outside his favorite bar. *Subscribe to Woman's World, Cosmo and Redbook. Make the subscription in his name. *Call your mom. While he's listening, invite her to move in with you. *Buy 1 ticket to his favorite, sold-out sporting event. Say, "It was the last one, but to prevent any hard feelings, I'll just tear it up so we don't have to decide who goes." Burn the ticket. *Out of the blue, look him straight in the eye and say, "It doesn't matter." Ignore him for 30 minutes. *Tell him your pregnant and you *think* he's the father. *Write a letter to another guy during sex. *Tell him you shoved $200 in $1 bills into a Chippendale dancer's shorts the last time you went out for a night on the town with the girls. *Clean his tools with his favorite shirt. *Give him all kinds of fabulous promises about the best blowjob he's ever had. Just before you start, say "DAMMIT! Chipped a tooth. Oh, well, it won't matter." *Tell him you've invited some friends over to play strip poker. Then say that his golf/fishing/hunting/poker/drinking/etc. buddies should be here any minute. *Tell him you've always wanted to be a man and you finally have enough money saved up for the operation. Triple points awarded if you say it in front of his parents. *Tell him you want to be closer to him all the time, so from now on your gonna use ONLY his razors to shave your legs. *Burn his favorite meal, three times in a row. Make a salad in its place. *Tie him to the bed. Paint his toenails bright red. *Tie him to the bed. Put on your sexiest lingerie. Do a striptease for him. Then have a long, heart-to-heart talk with him. *Tie him to the bed. Put on an adult movie with the sound on and the screen turned at an angle that makes it VERY difficult to see. [/QUOTE]
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