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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064158782" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p>Shortly after Mr. Johnson died, his wife got a phone call from the mortuary. The mortician told her that he had a problem closing Mr. Johnson's casket because he died with a hard-on. Mrs. Johnson said she'd be right down and take care of it.</p><p>When she arrived, she took out a knife from her purse and cut off Mr. Johnson's penis. As she was leaving with the penis, the mortician asked what she was going to do with it. She said come with me I'll show you.</p><p>When she got home she took a frying pan and some butter and began to sauté the penis. Shocked beyond belief the Mortician asked her why she was cooking the penis. She said "I've eaten this raw for 30 years, I want to see what it tastes like cooked!!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">::::::::::::::</span></strong></p><p>Sheri's husband was about to rake the leaves when he noticed that the rake was missing. He looked at his wife through the window getting ready to take a shower. He whistled to get her attention and asked her where the rake was. She didn’t understand so he pointed to his eye (I), knee (need), and motioned like he was raking the leaves. Sheri said Oh. Then she told him where it was, but he couldn’t understand. So she decided to use sign language also. So she pointed to her eye, her left breast, her booty, and her pussy. He still didn’t understand so she did the motions again. Finally he couldn’t take anymore, so he went in the house, to the bathroom and asked her what she said. She said," I LEFT IT BEHIND THE BUSH!"</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">:::::::::::::</span></strong></p><p>There is a hot dog, a cucumber, and a dick. The hot dog said, "My life is very bad. People put catsup, mustard, and relish and then they eat me." Then the cucumber said "My life is worse, People chop me up put me in dill brine and pickle me." Then the dick said, "My life is the worst ever! They shove me into a plastic tube, put me in a tunnel and make me do jumping-jacks until I puke."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">::::::::::::::</span></strong></p><p>One night, a man and his wife were watching TV. It was about breast implants.</p><p>The wife said:” I wish I had bigger breast” the man said:” you don’t have to get</p><p>silicone breasts, just wipe between your breast with toilet paper”. How would</p><p>that work the wife asked? The man said: well, you have been wiping your butt for 50</p><p>years and its got bigger!!!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064158782, member: 14320"] Shortly after Mr. Johnson died, his wife got a phone call from the mortuary. The mortician told her that he had a problem closing Mr. Johnson's casket because he died with a hard-on. Mrs. Johnson said she'd be right down and take care of it. When she arrived, she took out a knife from her purse and cut off Mr. Johnson's penis. As she was leaving with the penis, the mortician asked what she was going to do with it. She said come with me I'll show you. When she got home she took a frying pan and some butter and began to sauté the penis. Shocked beyond belief the Mortician asked her why she was cooking the penis. She said "I've eaten this raw for 30 years, I want to see what it tastes like cooked!!" [B][COLOR="Red"]::::::::::::::[/COLOR][/B] Sheri's husband was about to rake the leaves when he noticed that the rake was missing. He looked at his wife through the window getting ready to take a shower. He whistled to get her attention and asked her where the rake was. She didn’t understand so he pointed to his eye (I), knee (need), and motioned like he was raking the leaves. Sheri said Oh. Then she told him where it was, but he couldn’t understand. So she decided to use sign language also. So she pointed to her eye, her left breast, her booty, and her pussy. He still didn’t understand so she did the motions again. Finally he couldn’t take anymore, so he went in the house, to the bathroom and asked her what she said. She said," I LEFT IT BEHIND THE BUSH!" [B][COLOR="Red"]:::::::::::::[/COLOR][/B] There is a hot dog, a cucumber, and a dick. The hot dog said, "My life is very bad. People put catsup, mustard, and relish and then they eat me." Then the cucumber said "My life is worse, People chop me up put me in dill brine and pickle me." Then the dick said, "My life is the worst ever! They shove me into a plastic tube, put me in a tunnel and make me do jumping-jacks until I puke." [B][COLOR="Red"]::::::::::::::[/COLOR][/B] One night, a man and his wife were watching TV. It was about breast implants. The wife said:” I wish I had bigger breast” the man said:” you don’t have to get silicone breasts, just wipe between your breast with toilet paper”. How would that work the wife asked? The man said: well, you have been wiping your butt for 50 years and its got bigger!!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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