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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064178552" data-attributes="member: 14320">Exclusive Nudist ColonyA man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.One his first day there hetakes off his clothes and starts to wander around.A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets anerection.The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did youcall for me?"The man replies "No; what do you mean?"She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here thatif you get an erection it implies you called for me."Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on atowel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters thesauna and as he sits down, he farts.Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room towardhim, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man."No; what do you mean?" says the newcomer."You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart,it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins himaround, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted bythe smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key backand you can keep the $500 membership fee.""But sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. Youhaven't had the chance to see all our facilities."The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old; I only get an erectiononce a month, but I fart 15 times a day! I'm outta here.____________There were two doctors talking and one said, "I had a patient todaywith a dick like a dill pickle."The other doctor said, "It was that green?"The first doctor said, "No, that sour."Technical SupportOh.... Some People Are Truly STUPIDCustomer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, butit just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?Customer: Yeah....Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in theCD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it'sstill on my desk... sorry....------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.Customer: Your left or my left?------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?Male customer: Hello... I can't print.Tech support: Would you click on "Start" for me and...Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates .------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of themonitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: I have problems printing in red...Tech support: Do you have a color printer?Customer: Aaaah.................thank you.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in thesupermarket.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.Customer: OKTech support: Did the keyboard come with you?Customer: YesTech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is thereanother keyboard?Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tech support: Your password is the small letter a, as in apple, acapital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: I can't get on the internet.Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?Customer: Five stars.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tech support: What antivirus program do you use?Customer: Netscape.Tech support: That's not an antivirus program.Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saveron my computer, but every time I move the mouse,it disappears.-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Tech support: How may I help you?Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do Iget the circle around it?----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a printer problem.Tech support: Are you running it under windows?Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a goodpoint. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is undera window, and his printer is working fine."--------------------------------------------------------------------------------And last but not least:Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys atthe same time. That brings up a task list in the middleof the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up theProgram Manager."Customer: I don't have a P.Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.Customer: What do you mean?Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!</blockquote>