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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064202877" data-attributes="member: 14320">Moods of a WomanAn angel of truth and a dream of fiction,a woman is a bundle of contradiction,she's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,she'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,at times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,she'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.Moods of a ManHornyHungryThirstySleepy_+_+_+_An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat theresipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.She turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herdinghorses, mending fences, and branding cattle so I guess I am."She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."A little while later, a couple sat down next to the old cowboy andasked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."_+_+_+_There was a cat and a rooster wondering by a lake. Both were famished,looking for any food they could find, but to no avail. Later on, therooster finds himself focusing upon a worm, inching its way nearby.The rooster then proceeds to chase and then pounce on the worm, eatingit quickly. Resting after his meal, he rubs his belly in puresatisfaction.The cat looks at the rooster and thinks to himself, "Well, if he can doit, I can do it." Not long after the rooster eats his worm, the catspots a mouse scurrying nearby the lake. The cat raises its tail,arches its back, and with all its might, attempts to pounce on themouse, only to end up in the lake.What is the moral of the story?Where there is a satisfied cock, there is a wet pussy!And That's How/When The Fight Started...One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.When she asked me why, I replied,"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"And that's how the fight started.....________________________________My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" whilewe were in bed.I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?''No,' she answered. I then said,'Is that your final answer?'She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And that's when the fight started...________________________________I took my wife to a restaurant.The waiter, for some reason, took my order first."I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""Nah, she can order for herself."And that's when the fight started....._______________________________My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.I asked her, "Do you know him?""Yes", she sighed,"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.""My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"And then the fight started...________________________________When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,making beer. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went intothe house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.______________________________My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, "What's on TV?"I said, "Dust."And then the fight started...________________________________Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrentialdownpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"And that's how the fight started..._______________________________My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."I bought her a bathroom scale.And then the fight started......______________________________After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'And then the fight started...________________________________My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."And then the fight started........________________________________I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'That's how the fight started.</blockquote>

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