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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064212283" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Santa's Response To Little Johnny's After Christmas Letter</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Dear Johnny,</p><p></p><p>I know WHO you are,</p><p>and I KNOW where you live.</p><p>You little shit!</p><p>You can't talk to SANTA</p><p>like that and get away with it!</p><p></p><p>If you don't like the yo-yo, which is a classic toy,</p><p>by the way, then you can just</p><p>cram it up your little *$$!</p><p>As for the whistle you didn't care for --</p><p>I gotcha whistle right here!!!</p><p>Come blow on this!</p><p>And the socks...well, I figured</p><p>you are big enough to</p><p>be whacking off, and those sox</p><p>would have come in handy and been</p><p>handy to ... well, even you should get the picture!</p><p></p><p>And... that little "faggot" across the street,</p><p>you'll be happy to know that he's already</p><p>got pubic hair and his wang is</p><p>TWICE as long as yours.</p><p>Besides, his parents think YOU're the fag --</p><p>always moanin' and whinin'.</p><p></p><p>Don't worry about gathering up rocks</p><p>for my visit to your house next year,</p><p>'cause I ain't coming down</p><p>your chimney ever again.</p><p>If you find any pennies this year,</p><p>you had better stop and pick</p><p>them up, 'cause that's about all</p><p>you're going to get for Christmas.</p><p>Your mom and dad are going</p><p>to be killed in a car crash,</p><p>and you'll be stuck in an</p><p>orphanage before Thanksgiving.</p><p></p><p>Bad? You want BAD? I'll show you who's bad!</p><p></p><p>Affectionally, Adieu,</p><p>Santa</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid..</span></strong></p><p></p><p>10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, Dream on,</p><p>Bucko!</p><p></p><p>9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes.</p><p></p><p>8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and</p><p>handling.</p><p></p><p>7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing.</p><p></p><p>6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his</p><p>bed.</p><p></p><p>5. Instead of Naughty or Nice, Santa has him on the dork list.</p><p></p><p>4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee.</p><p></p><p>3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, Touch my beard and I'll</p><p>put the hurt on you.</p><p></p><p>2. Labels on all your kid's toys read Straight from Craptown.</p><p></p><p>1. Four words: Off my lap, Tubby!</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Christmas Ball Warmers</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Three blondes are sitting in a café, talking about what to get their</p><p>boyfriends for Christmas.</p><p></p><p>"It's funny," said Samantha. "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when</p><p>I'm sucking his cock! I think I should get him some ball warmers for</p><p>Christmas."</p><p></p><p>"You know what?" replied Jenny. "It's exactly the same with my Richard!"</p><p></p><p>They turn to the third blonde, Candi, and asked, "When you blow Chris,</p><p>are his balls cold, too?"</p><p></p><p>"Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!"</p><p>exclaimed Candi.</p><p></p><p>"You're crazy," Samantha piped up. "A good blowjob is the best way to</p><p>keep a guy! You should try it! It would make a great Christmas gift for</p><p>Chris!"</p><p></p><p>Candi says she'll think about it. The next time they meet at the café it</p><p>is Boxing Day and Candi is sporting a wicked shiner.</p><p></p><p>"Whoa!" the Jenny asked. "How did you get that black eye?!"</p><p></p><p>"Chris hit me when I was blowing him," Candi said.</p><p></p><p>"What on earth for?!" the Jenny asked.</p><p></p><p>"I don't know," Candi replied. "I was giving him his Christmas present</p><p>like you two suggested. I mentioned how strange it was that his balls</p><p>were so warm, when Pete and Richard's were so cold, and he punched me!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Santa’s Pickup Lines</span></strong></p><p></p><p>*^* Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?</p><p>*^* Wanna see my 12-inch elf?</p><p>*^* I`ve got something special in the sack for you!</p><p>*^* Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?</p><p>*^* I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small</p><p>talk, sister!</p><p>*^* Some of my best toys run on batteries.</p><p>*^* Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs.</p><p>calls it)</p><p>*^* I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear,</p><p>do you?</p><p>*^* Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!</p><p>*^* Wanna join the "Mile High" club?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064212283, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Santa's Response To Little Johnny's After Christmas Letter[/COLOR][/B] Dear Johnny, I know WHO you are, and I KNOW where you live. You little shit! You can't talk to SANTA like that and get away with it! If you don't like the yo-yo, which is a classic toy, by the way, then you can just cram it up your little *$$! As for the whistle you didn't care for -- I gotcha whistle right here!!! Come blow on this! And the socks...well, I figured you are big enough to be whacking off, and those sox would have come in handy and been handy to ... well, even you should get the picture! And... that little "faggot" across the street, you'll be happy to know that he's already got pubic hair and his wang is TWICE as long as yours. Besides, his parents think YOU're the fag -- always moanin' and whinin'. Don't worry about gathering up rocks for my visit to your house next year, 'cause I ain't coming down your chimney ever again. If you find any pennies this year, you had better stop and pick them up, 'cause that's about all you're going to get for Christmas. Your mom and dad are going to be killed in a car crash, and you'll be stuck in an orphanage before Thanksgiving. Bad? You want BAD? I'll show you who's bad! Affectionally, Adieu, Santa [B][COLOR="Teal"]Signs Santa Doesn't Like Your Kid..[/COLOR][/B] 10. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, Dream on, Bucko! 9. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes. 8. Along with presents, Santa leaves hefty bill for shipping and handling. 7. By the time he gets to your house, all he has left is foam packing. 6. Christmas day, your kid wakes up with a Reindeer head in his bed. 5. Instead of Naughty or Nice, Santa has him on the dork list. 4. Sends him off on one of them Carnival Cruises with Kathie Lee. 3. First words when kid gets on his lap are, Touch my beard and I'll put the hurt on you. 2. Labels on all your kid's toys read Straight from Craptown. 1. Four words: Off my lap, Tubby! [B][COLOR="Teal"]Christmas Ball Warmers[/COLOR][/B] Three blondes are sitting in a café, talking about what to get their boyfriends for Christmas. "It's funny," said Samantha. "Peter's balls are always cold as ice when I'm sucking his cock! I think I should get him some ball warmers for Christmas." "You know what?" replied Jenny. "It's exactly the same with my Richard!" They turn to the third blonde, Candi, and asked, "When you blow Chris, are his balls cold, too?" "Ugh! That's disgusting! I never put Chris's thing in my mouth!" exclaimed Candi. "You're crazy," Samantha piped up. "A good blowjob is the best way to keep a guy! You should try it! It would make a great Christmas gift for Chris!" Candi says she'll think about it. The next time they meet at the café it is Boxing Day and Candi is sporting a wicked shiner. "Whoa!" the Jenny asked. "How did you get that black eye?!" "Chris hit me when I was blowing him," Candi said. "What on earth for?!" the Jenny asked. "I don't know," Candi replied. "I was giving him his Christmas present like you two suggested. I mentioned how strange it was that his balls were so warm, when Pete and Richard's were so cold, and he punched me!" [B][COLOR="Teal"]Santa’s Pickup Lines[/COLOR][/B] *^* Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh? *^* Wanna see my 12-inch elf? *^* I`ve got something special in the sack for you! *^* Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip? *^* I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister! *^* Some of my best toys run on batteries. *^* Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it) *^* I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you? *^* Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list! *^* Wanna join the "Mile High" club? [/QUOTE]
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