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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064214008" data-attributes="member: 14320">Letters To SantaDear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boyall yeer.Yer Frend, BiLLyDear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.How about I send you a fricken book so you can learn to read and write?I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!Santa***Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I askfor is peace and joy in the world for everybody!Love, SarahDear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?Santa***Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd likefor my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.Love, TeddyDear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen doorin a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back toyour frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up thatdream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.Santa***Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, adog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.Love, FrancisDear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis"nowadays? I bet you're gay.Santa***Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I leftcarrots for your reindeer outside the back door.Love, SusanDear Susan, Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in myface when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me abottle of scotch.Santa***Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busymaking toys?Your friend, ThomasDear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,where spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind bydrinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresseswhile losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.Santa***Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know whenwe're awake, like in the song?Love, JessicaDear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever youdo. I'm skipping your house.Santa***Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please pleasePLEASE PLEASE could I have one?TimmyTimmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crapdoesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.Santa***Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get intoour home?Love, MarkyMark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're gettingyour ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you livein a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just likeall the burglars do, through your bedroom window.Sweet Dreams, Santa---------- Post added at 05:11 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 11:12 AM ----------Parrot Sings Christmas CarolsA few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for aunique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has justwhat he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that singsChristmas carols.He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The managrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be muchfor singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into hispocket and pulls out a lighter. The manager then clicks the lighterand holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet startssinging; "Silent Night, Holy Night."The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities andwatches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's rightfoot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way."The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him. The husbandrushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderfulgift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot'sspecial talent.Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and thebird sings "Silent Night."He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose around of "Jingle Bells."The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks herhusband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead.Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, andthe bird begins to sing - Chet's nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically ChallengedSchizophrenia ---Do You Hear What I Hear?Multiple Personality Disorder ---We Three Queens Disoriented AreAmnesia ---I Don't Know if I'll be Home for ChristmasNarcissistic ---Hark the Herald Angels Sing About MeManic ---Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Storesand Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and FireHydrants andParanoid ---Santa Claus is Coming to Get MeBorderline Personality Disorder ---Thoughts of Roasting on an Open FirePersonality Disorder ---You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout,Maybe I'll tell You WhyObsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle BellsAgoraphobia ---I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My HouseAutistic ---Jingle Bell Rock and Rock and Rock and Rock ...Senile Dementia ---Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House In MySlippers and RobeOppositional Defiant Disorder ---I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the HouseSocial Anxiety Disorder ---Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate</blockquote>

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