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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064219561" data-attributes="member: 14320">The Fucking Night Before Christmas, Dammit!'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the houseEverybody felt shitty -- even the mouse.Mom at the Whorehouse and Dad smoking grass;I'd just settled down for a nice piece of ass.When out on the lawn I heard such a clatterI sprung from my piece to see what the matterThen out on the lawn I saw a big dickI knew in a moment: it must be Saint Nick.He came down the chimney like a bat out of hellI knew in a moment the fat fucker fell.He filled all our stockings with pretzels and beerAnd a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fartThe son of a bitch blew the chimney apart,He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight"Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!"Xmas Carols for the Alternative Sexual Lifestyle:Little Hummer BoyA Lay In A MangerOh, Cum All Ye FaithfulI Came Upon A Midnight QueerHere Cums Santa ClausI'm Creaming On A White ChristmasYou Boff The Red-nosed Vain QueerOh, Hole-y NightSanta Claus Is Cumming, You ClownFrosty The Blow Man The Top 15 Reindeer Games15. Strip poker with Santa's granddaughter14. Attach the Mistletoe to Santa's Ass13. Spin the Salt Lick12. Crapping down the chimneys of non-believers11. Moose or Dare10. Flying into the "No Fly Zone" over Iraq just to watch Saddam do a slow burn and Santa dampen his Depends9. Bait-and-Shoot Elmo8. The Annual Turn-Frosty- Yellow-from- 50-Paces Contest7. Scare the Holy Crap Out of the Airline Pilot6. Convince the Elves to Eat "Raisinets"5. Pin the Tail on Santa's Big Fat Animal-Abusing Ass4. Hide the Venison Sausage with Vixen3. Elf Tossing2. Sniff the Tail on the Donkeyand the Number 1 Reindeer Game...1. The "Rudolph the Shitfaced Reindeer" Drinking GameThings Santa Shouldn't Say To The Girls1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister!6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you?9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?</blockquote>

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