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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064245605" data-attributes="member: 14320">Signs You Had A Bad First Date:*Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date her mother.*You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her.*She has a thicker moustache than you.*When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.*You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole.*Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system.*You walk away from her front door with the roses you got her shoved up your ass.*You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin.*At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.*She beats the shit out of some guy for making fun of your hair cut.*You wake up the next morning with a wicked hangover. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.*At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.*You wake up to find your loins covered with purple and green spots, with an intense itching in your left thigh.*She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet Satan.*She is better hung than you.*She informs you that you can't go out again because her boyfrienddoesn't like you.For The Discontented WomenDear Friend:This letter was started by a woman like yourself in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything. Just bundle up your husband and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list. Then add your name to the bottom of the list and send a copy of this to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented.When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 3,325 men . . . and some of them are bound to be better than the one you gave up! DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN!!! One woman did, and received her own jerk back!At this writing, a friend of mine had already received 184 men; they buried her yesterday, but it took four undertakers 36 hours to get the smile off of her face.We're counting on you,A Satisfied Woman________A worried father telephoned his family doctor and said that hewas afraid that his teenaged son had come down with V.D."He says he hasn't had sex with anyone but the maid, so it has tobe her.""Don't worry too much," advised the doctor. "These thingshappen.""I know, doctor," said the father, "but I have to admit that I'vebeen sleeping with the maid also. I seem to have the samesymptoms.""That's unfortunate.""Not only that, I think I've passed it to my wife.""Oh God," said the doc, "That means we all have it."</blockquote>

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