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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064250338" data-attributes="member: 14320">Be Careful When You Masturbate!Let's just say, *hypothetically,* that I decided to flog my dolphin last night just before retiring for the evening.And let's just say that when I went to pee in the morning, some dried manchowder might have dried up around the opening to my prick, blocking the flow of urine.And let's just say that that blockage, might have caused urine to back up inside my rod for a second or two, creating an unusually fierce spray of piss pressure once said blockage was busted.And let's just say that this high velocity piss-stream shot off at a 45-degree angle to the left because of said blockage.Let's just imagine that this 45-degree angle cause me to hit the ear of the cat who was perched not too far away, causing said cat to FLIP OUT, screech, and perform a 4-legged leap with a half-twist and quarter roll (difficulty of 6.8).Let's just say there may have been an empty glass resting on the back of the toilet, which may or may not have been tossed off the back of the toilet by said cat in the aforementioned jump.That glass, we might say, falls really close to my foot, lodging a small shard of glass into my left foot.This lodging of said glass shard may have caused me to immediately grab said left foot, creating a situation of hopping on one leg (while still relieving myself, mind you) on a tile surface which is becoming increasingly wetter by the second.Let's just say that it only takes a few hops on one foot on a slippery surface to end a physical event of such fashion.AND LET'S JUST SAY that once my foot was taken out from underneath me, that I crashed into the shower door, knocking it off it's tracks and causing me to fall in the shower and somehow ending in a back down, face up position, legs elevated, with blood running down my leg, pee streaming down my body to my neck, and a new head-welt with massive headache to boot.Let this be a lesson to you, next time you feel like rubbing your pole.------Q: What did the tampon say to the other tampon in school?A: I'll see you next period.------"It's my code," says a mailman named Drew,"To unzip, then deliver a screw.If virgins, when nervous,Resist postal service,I explain that the male must get through." ASK AUNT NASTYDear Aunt Nasty,I have a girl that I'm banging, she lives in the next state, about 350miles from me, I see her about once a month, and we have a great sexualrelationship and are in love, she is planning on moving in with me thissummer. the problem is oral sex, in that she will not give it to me, Iknow she does not like to suck, and this is something that I feel I needto have a long term relationship work. I could probably coerce her intodoing it, but knowing her heart wasn't into it would probably destroythe fun in it for me. should I tell her not to move in here with me, andend the relationship? or should I just let her move here and hope thinkswork out?GeneDear Gene,My Goodness!! I sometimes think the world has lost all sense ofreality... Your letter is so full of contradictive statements, that Imust insist, you need to seek help for your problem. You obviouslydon't know if you are coming or going. How can you have a great sexualrelationship, if you are not getting what you need?How can you say you are in love, when you are already ending therelationship before she even moves in?? Oh yeah and since when did awoman's enjoyment or the lack thereof, make any difference in yourenjoyment of it. Just close your eyes and fantasize. Be a MAN!And after you receive help from a good therapist...remember Aunt Nastyloves oral sex, and is reputed to give the best head this side of theatlantic...Aunt NastyDear Auntie,This matter is getting old. (maybe that's the problem) My problemisstill that LEG. You know the one that doesn't want to help much.It seemsthat now more than ever it's being LAZY.Please tell me, how can I get it motivated? Or what do you suggest I doto encourage it? And don't tell me VIAGRA, the last thing it needs is acrutch.SignedKansas K_ _ _ _ _Dear Kansas,You poor poor thing...You are in terrible shape, aren't you?? There isan old adage that says "Use it, or lose it!" The more you exercise thatleg, the more you will be able to use it. I suggest that you start bystroking it at least a little each day, until such time that you have"assistance". AND I would never suggest Viagra,If I can't get a man hard by "natural" means then it means he is eitherdead or homosexual, and with my oral talents, even the gays don't standa chance. I would suggest you cum see me, but from your letters I don'tthink you would be "up" to satisfying my voracious hunger! But if youstart a regular "exercise" regime, you might beable to build up the "stamina to go the distance."Aunt Nasty</blockquote>

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