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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064250759" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Arnold</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde guy goes to the big football game, he has great seats on</p><p>the 50 yard line, 8 rows up, perfect.</p><p></p><p>Just before kickoff he hears someone behind him yelling,</p><p></p><p>"Arnold, we're up here, Arnold!"</p><p></p><p>He turns around and misses the kickoff! A short while later, just</p><p>as the quarterback throws a long bomb, the same guy starts</p><p>yelling,</p><p></p><p>"Hey Arnold, we're up here, Arnold!!"</p><p></p><p>Again he turns around and again he misses the play</p><p></p><p>This goes on for every big play. He hears the guy shouting,</p><p></p><p>"Hey Arnold, look up here!" He turns around and misses the play.</p><p></p><p>Finally, fuming mad, he turns around, pulls out his binoculars</p><p>and scans the crowd for the guy doing all the yelling. He</p><p>eventually spots him, after missing yet another big play. He runs</p><p>up the stands, nearly to the top of the stadium. Pulls the guy</p><p>out into the aisle, picks him up by the lapels and shouts,</p><p></p><p>"Shut-up, my name isn't Arnold!!"</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">+++++</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">One Hole Behind</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A man had to go to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at the Motel in town, he found that he had a lot of time before the meeting. He asked the clerk where the nearest golf course was and was given directions on how to get there.</p><p></p><p>While playing on the front nine, he was going over the speech in his mind and became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a Lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and told her about his big meeting and the speech he was to make and his confusion about where he was on the course, asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.</p><p></p><p>She replied "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."</p><p></p><p>He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened. and he approached her again with the same request.</p><p></p><p>She said "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, So you must be on the 13th."</p><p></p><p>Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the Lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the Lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help. I understand that you are a sales lady, well I am in sales also. What do you sell"?</p><p></p><p>She replied, "if I told you, you would only laugh." "No I wouldn't", he said and persisted that she tell him what she sold.</p><p></p><p>"Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell Tampax."</p><p></p><p>With that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said "see I knew you would laugh."</p><p></p><p>"That's not what I'm laughing at" he replied, "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064250759, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Arnold[/COLOR][/B] A blonde guy goes to the big football game, he has great seats on the 50 yard line, 8 rows up, perfect. Just before kickoff he hears someone behind him yelling, "Arnold, we're up here, Arnold!" He turns around and misses the kickoff! A short while later, just as the quarterback throws a long bomb, the same guy starts yelling, "Hey Arnold, we're up here, Arnold!!" Again he turns around and again he misses the play This goes on for every big play. He hears the guy shouting, "Hey Arnold, look up here!" He turns around and misses the play. Finally, fuming mad, he turns around, pulls out his binoculars and scans the crowd for the guy doing all the yelling. He eventually spots him, after missing yet another big play. He runs up the stands, nearly to the top of the stadium. Pulls the guy out into the aisle, picks him up by the lapels and shouts, "Shut-up, my name isn't Arnold!!" [B][COLOR="Red"]+++++[/COLOR][/B] A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor. "No, from skipping." [B][COLOR="Teal"]One Hole Behind[/COLOR][/B] A man had to go to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at the Motel in town, he found that he had a lot of time before the meeting. He asked the clerk where the nearest golf course was and was given directions on how to get there. While playing on the front nine, he was going over the speech in his mind and became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a Lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and told her about his big meeting and the speech he was to make and his confusion about where he was on the course, asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied "I'm on the 7th hole and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened. and he approached her again with the same request. She said "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, So you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the Lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the Lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, "let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help. I understand that you are a sales lady, well I am in sales also. What do you sell"? She replied, "if I told you, you would only laugh." "No I wouldn't", he said and persisted that she tell him what she sold. "Well if you must know", she answered, "I sell Tampax." With that, he fell on the floor and laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said "see I knew you would laugh." "That's not what I'm laughing at" he replied, "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!" [/QUOTE]
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