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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064257700" data-attributes="member: 14320">Still A VirginThere was this old lady about 80 years old who had amassed a vastfortune in her life and the surprising this was she was a virgin as the day she wasborn. Since she had never married, she decided she would like to getmerried. But she wanted to marry a man who was as virgin as she was.So she used some of her fortune and searched the world over to find thisvirgin man.Finally she found him in Australia. Due to their ages, the courship wasbrief. And after the ceremony thry retired to their suite in the hotel.while she was in the bathroom getting all gussied up, she heard thisawful noise in the other room.She stuck her head out to see and saw her new husband had moved all thefurniture to one corner of the room.She says,"MY God man, what are you doing?"He says, "Well missy, I haven't made love to a woman before, but if itis anything like screwing a kangaroo, I"m going to need all the room I canget."--------------------A drunk man was casually taking a leak into a drinking fountain inthe park. A police officer came up to him and yelled frantically,"What the hell do you think you`re doing? There`s a public toiletjust half a block away!"The man, amazed, yells back, "What do you think I have, a hose?!"Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentallycut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John's .The doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have the fingers, and I'llsee what I can do."John said , "I haven't got the fingers."What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2009. We've gotmicrosurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have putthem back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"John says, " How the hell was I supposed to pick them up!!!."=======Just as he was leaving for work the man's wife told him that there was a leak in the plumbing.He told her to call a plumber and have it fixed.When he got to work he gave her a call and asked "Has the plumber come yet?"She replied "Not quite but I've got him breathing hard."=======A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise," he replied. "Wow, that's amazing," she said, "How old are you?" "Twenty-six."</blockquote>

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