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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064257700" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Still A Virgin</span></strong></p><p></p><p>There was this old lady about 80 years old who had amassed a vast</p><p>fortune in her life and the surprising this was she was a virgin as the day she was</p><p></p><p>born. Since she had never married, she decided she would like to get</p><p>merried. But she wanted to marry a man who was as virgin as she was.</p><p>So she used some of her fortune and searched the world over to find this</p><p>virgin man.</p><p>Finally she found him in Australia. Due to their ages, the courship was</p><p></p><p>brief. And after the ceremony thry retired to their suite in the hotel.</p><p>while she was in the bathroom getting all gussied up, she heard this</p><p>awful noise in the other room.</p><p>She stuck her head out to see and saw her new husband had moved all the</p><p>furniture to one corner of the room.</p><p></p><p>She says,"MY God man, what are you doing?"</p><p></p><p>He says, "Well missy, I haven't made love to a woman before, but if it</p><p>is anything like screwing a kangaroo, I"m going to need all the room I can</p><p>get."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">--------------------</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A drunk man was casually taking a leak into a drinking fountain in</p><p>the park. A police officer came up to him and yelled frantically,</p><p>"What the hell do you think you`re doing? There`s a public toilet</p><p>just half a block away!"</p><p></p><p>The man, amazed, yells back, "What do you think I have, a hose?!"</p><p></p><p></p><p>Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally</p><p>cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John's .</p><p></p><p>The doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have the fingers, and I'll</p><p>see what I can do."</p><p></p><p>John said , "I haven't got the fingers."</p><p></p><p>What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2009. We've got</p><p>microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put</p><p>them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"</p><p></p><p>John says, " How the hell was I supposed to pick them up!!!."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>Just as he was leaving for work the man's wife told him that there was a leak in the plumbing.</p><p></p><p>He told her to call a plumber and have it fixed.</p><p></p><p>When he got to work he gave her a call and asked "Has the plumber come yet?"</p><p></p><p>She replied "Not quite but I've got him breathing hard."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">=======</span></strong></p><p>A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise," he replied. "Wow, that's amazing," she said, "How old are you?" "Twenty-six."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064257700, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Still A Virgin[/COLOR][/B] There was this old lady about 80 years old who had amassed a vast fortune in her life and the surprising this was she was a virgin as the day she was born. Since she had never married, she decided she would like to get merried. But she wanted to marry a man who was as virgin as she was. So she used some of her fortune and searched the world over to find this virgin man. Finally she found him in Australia. Due to their ages, the courship was brief. And after the ceremony thry retired to their suite in the hotel. while she was in the bathroom getting all gussied up, she heard this awful noise in the other room. She stuck her head out to see and saw her new husband had moved all the furniture to one corner of the room. She says,"MY God man, what are you doing?" He says, "Well missy, I haven't made love to a woman before, but if it is anything like screwing a kangaroo, I"m going to need all the room I can get." [B][COLOR="Red"]--------------------[/COLOR][/B] A drunk man was casually taking a leak into a drinking fountain in the park. A police officer came up to him and yelled frantically, "What the hell do you think you`re doing? There`s a public toilet just half a block away!" The man, amazed, yells back, "What do you think I have, a hose?!" Johnny was working at the fish plant in Carbonear when he accidentally cut off all ten of his fingers. He went to the emergency room in St. John's . The doctor looked at Johnny and said "Let's have the fingers, and I'll see what I can do." John said , "I haven't got the fingers." What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2009. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?" John says, " How the hell was I supposed to pick them up!!!." [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] Just as he was leaving for work the man's wife told him that there was a leak in the plumbing. He told her to call a plumber and have it fixed. When he got to work he gave her a call and asked "Has the plumber come yet?" She replied "Not quite but I've got him breathing hard." [B][COLOR="Red"]=======[/COLOR][/B] A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?" "I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of beer, eat fatty foods, and never, ever exercise," he replied. "Wow, that's amazing," she said, "How old are you?" "Twenty-six." [/QUOTE]
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