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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064264842" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">What Was He?</span></strong></p><p></p><p>THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH:</p><p>1. He went into his father's business.</p><p>2. He lived at home until the age of 33.</p><p>3. He was sure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.</p><p>THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH:</p><p>1. He never got married.</p><p>2. He was always telling stories.</p><p>3. His last request was a drink.</p><p>THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN:</p><p>1. His first name was Jesus.</p><p>2. He was bilingual.</p><p>3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.</p><p>THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN:</p><p>1. He talked with his hands.</p><p>2. He had wine with every meal.</p><p>3. He worked in the building trades.</p><p>THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK:</p><p>1. He called everybody brother.</p><p>2. He liked Gospel.</p><p>3. He couldn't get a fair trial.</p><p>THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN:</p><p>1. He never cut his hair.</p><p>2. He walked around barefoot.</p><p>3. He invented a new religion.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">********</span></strong></p><p>Oral sex is a matter of taste.</p><p>Q: Do you know how Montanans practice safe sex?</p><p>A: They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.</p><p>Q: What did the sign over the entrance door to Planned Parenthood say?</p><p>A: Thank you for not coming.</p><p></p><p>Q: What is male menopause?</p><p>A: The change of wife.</p><p>Q: What is a girl scout knife?</p><p>A: A boy scout knife with a dildo attachment.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">A Blonde And A Brunette</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11 o'clock news. The news</p><p>was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.</p><p></p><p>The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $50 the man</p><p>is going to jump."</p><p></p><p>The blonde replies, "Okay you're on."</p><p></p><p>Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette</p><p>$50.</p><p></p><p>The brunette says, "Listen, I can't accept this money. I watched</p><p>the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then."</p><p></p><p>"No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5</p><p>o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">.....</span></strong></p><p></p><p>This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.</p><p>The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"</p><p>The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fillmy bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."</p><p>The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"</p><p>The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064264842, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]What Was He?[/COLOR][/B] THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH: 1. He went into his father's business. 2. He lived at home until the age of 33. 3. He was sure his mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. His last request was a drink. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS PUERTO RICAN: 1. His first name was Jesus. 2. He was bilingual. 3. He was always being harassed by the authorities. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN: 1. He talked with his hands. 2. He had wine with every meal. 3. He worked in the building trades. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK: 1. He called everybody brother. 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS CALIFORNIAN: 1. He never cut his hair. 2. He walked around barefoot. 3. He invented a new religion. [B][COLOR="Red"]********[/COLOR][/B] Oral sex is a matter of taste. Q: Do you know how Montanans practice safe sex? A: They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick. Q: What did the sign over the entrance door to Planned Parenthood say? A: Thank you for not coming. Q: What is male menopause? A: The change of wife. Q: What is a girl scout knife? A: A boy scout knife with a dildo attachment. [B][COLOR="Teal"]A Blonde And A Brunette[/COLOR][/B] A blonde and a brunette were watching the 11 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "Listen, I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again." [B][COLOR="Red"].....[/COLOR][/B] This blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fillmy bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits." [/QUOTE]
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