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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064281050" data-attributes="member: 14320">Dogs Versus Women/Men26 reasons why men have 2 dogs and not 2 wives:1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.6. A dog's parents never visit.7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your pointacross.9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet ordesk.10. Dogs seldom outlive you.11. Dogs can't talk.12. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours aday.13. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would youget another dog?"17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give themaway.18. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling youa pervert.19. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They justthink it's interesting.21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.22. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pick-up truck.25. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman-Marcus.And, last but not least:26. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff!How Dogs Are Better Than Men1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public2. Dogs miss you when you're gone3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong4. Dogs admit when they're jealous5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw.)7. You can train a dog8. Dogs are easy to buy for9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, really, the worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).10. Dogs understand what "no" means.11. Dogs mean it when they kiss youMY PRIVATE PART DIEDAn old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace..'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a littlecrazy,she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Pleaseaccept my condolences.'The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down thehall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said,'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.''But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace.'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that,but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'(You've gotta love this .)'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING, SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.========Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there.A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it! He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."========Q: What's the first sign that you've been kidnapped by an idiot?A: He puts the return address on the ransom note.Q: What's the second sign that you've been kidnapped by an idiot?A: When your parents ask for proof that you're alive, he sends you home to tell them.</blockquote>

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