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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064299412" data-attributes="member: 14320">Can't SleepAn exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep." "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over." "Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot." A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!" "I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!" "That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"The missus asked if she pleased me in bed? I said, "Yes, I lovethat trick you do with your mouth.""What trick?" she asked?"The one where you shut the fuck up and go to sleep!"Mommy, Mommy!, can I have a cookie?Yes son, the cookies are on the top shelf.But Mommy, I haven't got any arms!No arms, no cookie son.Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?You don't, but lift your head up or you'll scrape the floor.Fishing TripFour guys have been going to the same fishingtrip for many years.Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wifeputs her foot down and tells him he isn't going.Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, butwhat can they do"Two days later the three mates get to the campingsite only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up,firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire."Wow, Ron, how long you been here? How did youtalk your missus into letting you go?""Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner athome yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chairand my wife came up behind me and put her handsover my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brandnew lingerie. She said had been reading 'Fifty Shadesof Gray and she had a devilish look in her eyes! Shetook my hand and led me to our bedroom. The roomhad candles and rose petals all over. On the bed shehad handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her upand cuff her to the bed, so I did.And then she said, "Do whatever you want."So . . . . here I am!A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go to Florida for their honeymoon.When they get back, his friend says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?" "Oh, it was beautiful," says the man."The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we--"His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost every night?""Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love Tuesday..."</blockquote>

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