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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064301293" data-attributes="member: 14320">Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead.";;;Define "hobosexualist." A bum fuck.What do you call a woman who has one leg shorter than the other?:EileenA Japanese woman with the same affliction?:IreneWhat do you call her after the operation?:Noleen.What do you call a woman without legs and arms?:Nothing. She ain't going nowhere, so drop the sweet talk!What do you call a man, with no arms and no legs, out in the ocean?:Screwed!!;;;Three disabled men enter a swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second has no legs, and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "SPLASH!" they are all in the pool.The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see the bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool where the head is. He dives down and rescues the head, where upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts, "Three fucking years I have spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the race, some bastard puts a fucking swimming cap on me!"Mummy, Mummy,A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?"Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning."So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed.The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again."So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see."To which the mother replied, "April fool!"uuuuuuOne day while a elephant was walkin through the woods she got a thornstuck in her foot.She then asked an ant to help her get it out.The ant replied "what do I get in return?"The elephants says "if you get it out you can fuck me".So the ant gets busy takin the thorn out. When he finally gets it outhe says "Ok it's out, are you ready?".The elephant thinks hey, what's a lil ant gonna do anyway.He climbs up and starts to work away... and just then a monkey overheaddrops a coconut on the elephants head.. and the elephant screams"Ouch!", and the ant screams "Yeah take it all bitch"uuuuuuTwo guys were out walking home from work one afternoon."Shit," the first guy said, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip thewife's panties off!""What's the rush?" his buddy asked."The damn elastic in the legs is killing me!"</blockquote>

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