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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064303406" data-attributes="member: 14320">Experimental ImplantJack goes to the doctor and says, "Doc I'm having trouble getting mypenis erect. Can you help me?"After a complete examination, the doctor tells Jack, "Well, the problemwith you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged.There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try anexperimental treatment."Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?""Well," the doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles fromthe trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."Jack thinks about it silently, then says, "Well, the thought of goingthrough life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go forit."A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to usehis improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for hisgirlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city.In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued tothe point of being painful. To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. Hispenis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table,grabbed a roll and then returned to his pants.His girlfriend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile,"That was incredible! Can you do it again?"With his eyes watering, Jack replied, "Well, I guess so, but I don'tthink I can fit another roll up my ass."------------A teacher asks the class to name things thatend with 'tor' that eat things.The first little boy says, "Alligator.""Very good, that's a big word."The second boy says, "Predator."... "Yes, that's another big word. Well done."Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, Miss."After nearly falling off her chair, she says,"That is a big word, but it doesn't eat anything.""Well my sister has one and she says it eatsfucking batteries like there's no tomorrow!"My Side Of The StoryUpon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terriblythis morning on the phone."Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist anddemand an apology.Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggisttold him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it.This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was lategetting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just torealize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. Ihad to break a window to get my keys.Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when Iwas about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finallygot to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up.I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all thetime the darn phone was ringing off the hook."He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickelsagainst the cash register drawer to make change, andthey spilled all over the floor.I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels;the phone was still ringing nonstop.When I came up Icracked my head on the open cash drawer whichmade me stagger back against a showcase with a bunchof expensive perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit thefloor and broke.Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, andI finally got back to answer it.It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did wastell her!"During her annual checkup, the well constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?" "Put them on the chair, on top of mine."</blockquote>

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