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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064305325" data-attributes="member: 14320">The MailmanAfter 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood, the mailman was going to retire. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.'All of this was just too wonderful for words', he said; 'But what's the dollar for'?'Well', she said, 'last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said; 'Screw him. Give him a dollar'. 'The breakfast was my idea!!'A man and a woman were engaged in heated sexual intercourse.The woman was screaming and wiggling like she had never before.Afterwards, she flings the lights on and stares him straight in the eyes."You know you were fucking me in the ass, don't you?""I wasn't quite sure," replied the man."Surely you realized that it wasn't like our normal sex. Why didn't you stop?" pleaded the wife."You know how much we men hate to stop and ask for directions..."A Kentucky FamilyA Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a rather large building; they were amazed by everything they saw -- especially the elevator at one end of the lobby.The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?" The father responded, "Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is!"While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your Maw."_______One day these two girls were hired to clean this guy's house. While they were there the AC broke, so one of the girls said, "Hey, since no one is here and it’s so hot in here lets take off our clothes.” The other girl agreed. So they took their clothes off. Later that day they heard a knock at the door. One of the girls went to the door and asked who it was. "Blind man," the person answered. The girl said, "Hey, since he's blind he can't see us." So she let him in. As soon as the blind-man stepped in he said, "Nice tits where do you want these blinds."_______I came home late from the pub last night. As I staggered through the front door I said to my wife, "Get your arse upstairs, I want a screw." "Bloody hell Dave," she said, "How many have you had tonight?" "Just the one." I slurred. She said, "I can tell by your eyes that you've had more than one." "Ok, two." I said, "But I didn't cum with the last one."_______A guy was on his first date with a notoriously loose girl.She was very receptive to his foreplay after they parked, and as the petting increased he put his hand in her panties.She seemed to be enjoying his progress, but suddenly cried, "Ouch! Your ring is hurting me!""Ummm..." he said a bit uncomfortably, "that's my Timex."</blockquote>

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