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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064318721" data-attributes="member: 14320">BabiesA polish couple were delighted when their long wait to adopt a babycame to an end. The adoption center called and told them that they hada wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him withouthesitation.On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the localcollege so they each could enroll in night courses.After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "Whatever possessed you to study Russian?"The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby, and in a yearor so he'll start to talk.We just want to be able to understand him."Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist,so everyone will know what it looks like in here."The next one says, "I want to be an olympic swimmer because I get so much practicein here." Then the last baby says," I'm going to be a hunter, because if thatsnake comes in here and pokes me again I'm gonna chop that damned thing in half!"An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath."Hit him again," the child said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!!"A young boy knows about sex and where babies come from because hismother told him that "the man puts his penis inside the woman and shegets pregnant." A few days later, after pondering this for some time,the boy asks in all the innocence and wonder of a child, "Does the manever get his penis back??" A teenager is walking downtown and a girl whispers to him, "Blowjob, five dollars". He gives her a strange look and keeps walking. Soon another girl does the same thing. Confused, he keeps walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was "Mom, what's a blowjob?". His mom replies "Five dollars, just like downtown!".======Three prostitutes are chatting in a bar one night and the topic comes up on how loose they are.The first one says, "Oh, three fingers."The second says, "Gotcha beat, my whole fist!"The third one just laughed and slid down the bar stool.=======Pick-Up Line: "That blouse looks very becoming on you, but if I wereon you, I'd be coming too."======A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!""Is this her first child?" the doctor queries."No, you idiot!" the man shouts."This is her husband!"Q: What four animals does a woman like to have in her house?A:A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.Q: What is the difference between garbage and an ugly girl?A: Garbage gets picked up at least once a week.Q: What is the similarity between a wife and a chewing gum?A: Both are sweet in the beginning but become tasteless and shapeless later.Q: What is the strongest muscle?A: Tongue.... Because it can raise woman's hip with just one lick.Love is a complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it."How did your evening with your new boyfriend go?""It was a disaster. We were nude in bed in heavy foreplay and he had a premature ejaculation.""What did he say when it occurred?""He just said I was the loveliest girl he had ever come across."</blockquote>

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