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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064326202" data-attributes="member: 14320">GroanersIn which battle did Napoleon die?His last battle.Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?At the bottom of the page.The Talahatchie River flows in which state?Liquid.What is the main reason for divorce?Marriage.What can you never eat for breakfast?Lunch and Dinner.What looks like half an apple?The other half.If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become?It will become wet.How can you lift an elephant with one hand?You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack!What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away!)She was engaged to a man with a wooden leg, but broke it off!If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.A Local Area Network in Australia is a LAN down under!Every calendar's days are numbered.Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.Acupuncture is a jab well done.Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on Friday this year". Mick says, "Let's hope it's not the 13th then."My friend just hired an Eastern European cleaner. It took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak!I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit!The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery!A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie."Is It Because I'm Blonde?"A girl came skipping home from school one day."Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the otherkids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,6, 7, 8, 9, 10!""Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" the girlsaid. "Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kidscould only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!""Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes,it's because you're blonde."The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,"she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all theother girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tanktop to reveal a pair of 36Cs. "Very good," said her embarrassed mother."Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?""No Honey, it's because you're 24."A road repair crew was working on street outside a convent. The crewwas typical with their rough language. The Mother Superior called thesupervisor of the crew inside and lodged a complaint about the languagebeing used. The supervisor said, 'Well Mother the crew is plain spokenand will call a spade a spade'. Mother Superior said, 'In this case theyare calling it a fucking shovel'.Penis StretcherA couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bushtribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When males reach acertain age, a string is tied around the penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, hiswife looked down at him and said, "How about we try the Africanstring-and-weight procedure?"The husband agreed and they tied a string and weight to his penis.A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribalexperiment coming along?""Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied."Wow, you've grown to 12 inches??""No...it's turned black."nnnQ: Do you know why doctors slap babies on the butt after theyare born?A: It knocks the dicks off of the dumb ones.nnnBill's friend Harry went into a nightcluband saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herselfat the bar, so he asked her to dance.She agreed and they took to the dancefloor for a slow one. While they were cheekto cheek, Harry said, "You really smell terrific.What's that you have on?"The flattered girl told him it was Channel #5.Then wanting to return the compliment, she said,"You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"Honest Harry replied: "Well, I've got a hard on,but I didn't think you could smell it."</blockquote>

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