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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064334645" data-attributes="member: 14320">Top 10 Things Not To Say To Your Girlfriends Parents10. Gee, Pops, you're not nearly as big an asshole as your daughter saidyou are.9. Wazzzaaaaap!8. The water in your toilet tastes funny.7.You got a spoon and a lighter I can borrow? I left mine at home.6. No... No... It's OK. I kinda like it when your dog humps my leg.5. Your daughter is attractive, but have you seen the tits on her friend Joanne?4. Hi, Mr. Jones. I'm Bob. This is Chuck, George, Steve and the midgetis Sam. Is Sally ready?3. (While honking horn in driveway) Hey! I'm waiting out hear! Send the bitch out!2. You should be proud, Mr. AndMrs. Smith, you've raised a good girl. I can't get her to blow me no matter what I say.And the number 1 thing not to say when you meet your girlfriend'sparents for the first time:1. Man, living under the same roof with a piece of ass like that, I bet you wish you were anyone else but her father._________A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends.Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over ten.Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you meant with one guy.Corner DeliA man goes into the local corner deli. When the shopassistant, a very buxom young girl, asks if she canget him anything, he leans over and whispers, "Is ittrue that you give hand jobs in the back room?""Why, yes sir," the shop assistant coos. "I've alreadysatisfied five customers this morning, and it still isn'tnoon yet.""Good, good," the man replies. "Then go andwash your hands. All I came for was a ham sandwich."________Q: What is the Alzheimer's society slogan?A: Remember those who can't.Q: Have you heard about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?A: He wanted to know who the other man was...Q: Why do women have babies?A: Because it hurts and they deserve it.Q: Why can't Italian men give their wives mink coats?A: Because the fur clashes with their wives' moustaches.If a man speaks in the woods and there's no woman there to hear him,is he still wrong?Q: How do Eskimos give birth?A: They start out by rubbing noses, and pretty soon the little buggers fall out.Q: How do you make Italian sausage?A: From retarded pigs.Q: How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?A: One, but it takes 20 visits.Q: What is the one social advantage to being Polish?A: You never miss a phone call due to being in the bathtub.Q: What do you do when a cat spits at you?A: Turn the grill down.Q: Why did the little girl keep a dead goldfish in her pocket?A: Because she wanted to smell just like a big girl.________A woman went to see her doctor because of serious abrasions on herknees. "Do you know what caused these injuries?" the doctor asked."Well," she blushed, "I've been having sex doggie style.""Oh, that's no problem. Just roll over and do it missionary style forawhile.""Oh, but that is a problem," she asserted. "Every time I try it thatway, my dog's breath makes me retch."MALE DICTIONARY FOR FEMALESJust in case we don't understand one another.1."I'm going fishing" -Means.. "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety"2. "It's a guy thing" -Means.. "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".3. "Can I help with dinner?" -Means.. "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"4. "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear" -Means.. Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.5. "It would take too long to explain" -Means.. "I have no idea how it works".6. "We're going to be late" -Means.. "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac".7. "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind"Means.. "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra".8. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard" -Means.. "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".9. "That's interesting dear" -Means.. "Are you still talking?"10."It's a really good movie" -Means.. "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women".11."That's women's work" -Means.. "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless".12."You know how bad my memory is" -Means.. "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday or our anniversary."13."I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses" -Means.. "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe".14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" -Means.. "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt".15."Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing" -Means.. "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon".16."I can't find it" -Means.. "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless".17."What did I do this time?" -Means.. "What did you catch me at?"18."I heard you" -Means.. "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."19."You know I could never love anyone else" -Means.. "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse".20."You look terrific" -Means.. "Oh God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving!"21."I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are" -Means.. "No one will ever see us alive again".22."We share the housework" -Means.. "I make the messes, she cleans them up".</blockquote>

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