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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064469842" data-attributes="member: 14320">Bad/Good To Worse-Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room.Worse: You're in it.-Bad: Your children are sexually active.Worse: With each other.-Bad: Your husband's a crossdresser.Worse: He looks better than you.-Bad: Your wife wants a divorce.Worse: She's a lawyer.-Bad: Your wife's leaving you.Worse: For another woman.-Bad: You can't find your vibrator.Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it.-Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.Worse: She implicates you.-Good: Hot outdoor sex.Bad: You're arrested.Worse: By your husband.-Good: The teacher thinks your son's great.Bad: In bed.-Good: You came home for a quickie.Bad: Your wife walks in.-Good: You go to see a strip show.Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.-Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.-Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.Bad: She's eleven.-Good: Your neighbor exercises in the nude.Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.-Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.Bad: You live downtown.-Good: Your wife's kinky.Bad: With the neighbors.Worse: All of them.-Good: Your wife is pregnant.Bad: It's tripletsUgly: You had a vasectomy five years ago-Good: Your son is finally maturingBad: He's involved with the woman next doorUgly: So are you-Good: Your son studies a lot in his roomBad: You find several porn movies hidden thereUgly: You're in them-Good: Your son is ****** someone newBad: It's another manUgly: He's your best friend-Good: Your daughter got a new jobBad: As a hookerUgly: Your workmates are her best clientsWay Ugly: She makes more money than you do Blonde Calendar JournalJANUARY - Happy new year to me. Took scarf back to store- was too tight.FEBRUARY - Bummer of a month. Got fired from job at pharmacy for failureTo print labels on medicine bottles.Well - DUH!!!! - the bottles wouldn't fit in the typewriter.MARCH - Exciting month. Finished a jig saw puzzle in 6 months. The box said "2 - 4 years."APRIL - Scary month. Was trapped on an escalator for hours.The power went out.MAY - Frustrating month. Tried to make Kool Aid from scratch.-8 cups of water just will not fit into those little packets.JUNE - Adventurous month. Tried to water ski - Gave up- couldn't find a lake with a slope.JULY - Defeated month. Lost breast stroke swimming competition- Then found out the other swimmers cheated by using their arms.AUGUST - Wet month. Got locked out of my car during a rain storm.-Inside of car was ruined because top was down.SEPTEMBER - Dumb month. Lost a TV quiz show.-The capitol of California is "C", isn't it?OCTOBER - Hate M&M's .. .they are so hard to peel.NOVEMBER - Bad food month. Cooked turkey for 4 1/2 days.Was very dry - don't know what went wrong- Instructions said "1 hour per pound" and I weigh 108.DECEMBER - Accident month. Cut finger bad- couldn't call 911- DUH!!!! - there is no "II" on the phone.MAYBE 2014 WILL BE BETTER.........</blockquote>

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