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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064531916" data-attributes="member: 14320">Famous Jewish One Liner ComicsYou may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others? You've probably heard of them before, but don't you miss their humor? * There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable? " The man says, "I make a good living."* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.* I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"* A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"* I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.* A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient."I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said.Are you light-headed? " my colleague asked."No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette."* A man and woman had marriage problems and decided to end their union after a very short time together. In court, the judge asked the husband, "What has brought you to the point where you cannot keep this marriage together?" The husband replied, "In the six weeks we've been married, we haven't agreed on one thing." "Seven weeks!" interrupted his wife.* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.* A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her newboyfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them to her dad.* Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.* I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months--I don't like to interrupt her.* Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.</blockquote>

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