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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064540990" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p>First Mammogram</p><p></p><p>Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home.</p><p></p><p>EXERCISE ONE:</p><p>Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.</p><p></p><p>EXERCISE TWO:</p><p>Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.</p><p></p><p>EXERCISE THREE:</p><p>Freeze two metal book ends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.</p><p></p><p>YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED! SEE THAT WASN'T ALL THAT BAD. . .</p><p></p><p>uuuuu</p><p></p><p>Two nuns are bicycling down a cobblestone street. The first one says to the other, </p><p>'I haven't come this way before.'</p><p>The second one says, 'It's the cobbles.'</p><p></p><p>uuuuu</p><p></p><p>Two old ladies are sitting in a park, when a flasher walks up yanks open his raincoat and exposes himself totally to them. </p><p>This is an enormous shock to the ladies and one of them has a stroke right away! </p><p>The other one can't quite reach.</p><p></p><p>uuuuu</p><p></p><p>Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?</p><p>Because his wife died.</p><p></p><p>What's the only thing used sanitary napkins are good for?</p><p>Tea bags for vampires.</p><p></p><p>What did the potato chip say to the battery?</p><p>"If you're Eveready, I'm Frito-lay."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064540990, member: 14320"] First Mammogram Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in your home. EXERCISE ONE: Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough. EXERCISE TWO: Visit your garage at 3 AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast. EXERCISE THREE: Freeze two metal book ends over night. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again. YOU ARE NOW TOTALLY PREPARED! SEE THAT WASN'T ALL THAT BAD. . . uuuuu Two nuns are bicycling down a cobblestone street. The first one says to the other, 'I haven't come this way before.' The second one says, 'It's the cobbles.' uuuuu Two old ladies are sitting in a park, when a flasher walks up yanks open his raincoat and exposes himself totally to them. This is an enormous shock to the ladies and one of them has a stroke right away! The other one can't quite reach. uuuuu Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died. What's the only thing used sanitary napkins are good for? Tea bags for vampires. What did the potato chip say to the battery? "If you're Eveready, I'm Frito-lay." [/QUOTE]
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