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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064547779" data-attributes="member: 14320">The SmithsThe Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogatefather to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rangthe doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've cometo......" "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cutin. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty ofbabies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have aseat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?""Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couchand perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is funtoo....you can really spread out! "Bathtub, living room floor?! No wonder itdidn't work for Harry and me." "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee agood one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shootfrom six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.""My, my, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in my line ofwork, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, butyou'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know it," Mrs. Smithsaid quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out aportfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."! "Ohmy god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And thesetwins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was sodifficult to work with." "She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'mafraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right.People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a goodlook." "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement."Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother wasconstantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approachedand I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment,I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your,um...equipment?" "That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripodso that we can get to work." "Tripod?? "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to restmy Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long.Madam? Madam?.....Good Lord, she's fainted!Q ~What does an 80 year old woman have between her breasts?A ~Her navel. He said ~ Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wantedto make love to you in the worst way.She said ~ Well, you succeeded.Q ~Why are pubic hairs curly?A ~So you don't poke your eye out.Q ~When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse?A ~Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips!Two gays walk past a gay bar one night.One says to the other "You wanna get shit faced tonight?"</blockquote>

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