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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064594452" data-attributes="member: 14320">Dear Santa (From Barbie)Dear Santa:Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playingat being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits infrigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, andI hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME!There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'mgonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wannabe around to smell it).So, here's my holiday wish list, Santa:1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'msick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suitsgonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcrocrawling up your butt?2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. Whatbonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwearto my skin? (It looks like cellulite);3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over thatwimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's with that earring anyway?If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me)anatomically correct;4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimpaway once he is anatomically correct;5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, justget it done;6. A sports bra. To wear until I get the surgery.7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How abouta systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec or even ahooker....for goodness sake!8. A new, more '2008 persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete witha miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream anda bag of chips;"Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fakefur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removableNicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum;9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl;10. Mattel stock options. It's been 42 years--I think I deserve it; Ok,Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don'tthink these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can findyourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple.Up yours truly,BarbieKen's Letter To SantaDear Santa,I understand that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changesin her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. Inaddition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made aboutme, my ability to please, and my some of my fashion choices.I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of some of issuesconcerning Ms. Barbie, and some of my own needs and desires.First of all, I along with several other colleagues feel Barbie DOES NOTdeserve preferential treatment - the bitch has everything. I, along withJoe, Jem, Raggedy Ann & Andy, DO NOT have a dreamhouse, corvette,evening gowns, and in some cases, the ability to changes our hair style. Ipersonally have only 3 outfits which I am forced to mix and match at greatlength. My decision to accessorize my outfits with an earring was mydecision and reflects my lifestyle choice.I too would like a change in career. Have you ever considered "DecoratorKen", "Beauty Salon Ken", or "Out of work Actor Ken" ? In addition, thereare several other avenues which could be considered such as: "S & M Ken""Green Lantern Ken" "Chippendale Ken" ... "Master Ken" These wouldmore accurately reflect my desires and perhaps open up new markets.And as for Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away," I needbendable knees so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees wouldalso be helpful for me in other situations - we've talked about this issuebefore.In closing, I would like to point out that any further concessions to theblonde bimbo from hell will result in action be taken by myself and others.And Barbie can forget about having G.I.Joe - he's mine.Real sincerely,Ken</blockquote>

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