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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064612080" data-attributes="member: 14320">Parenting FAQ'sQ: Should I have a baby after 35?A: No, generally 35 children are enough.Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?A: Childbirth.Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody thatsometimes she's borderline irrational.A: So what's your question?Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnantwoman and a model?A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's goodfor him).Q: How long is the average woman in labor?A: Whatever she says divided by two.Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feelduring labor, but pressure. Is she right?A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.Q: When is the best time to get an epidermal?A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery roomwhile my wife is in labor?A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering fromchildbirth?A: Yes, pregnancy.Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink herplans to nurse.Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?A: When you see teeth marks.Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin tofeel and act normal again?A: When the kids are in college.</blockquote>

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