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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064615195" data-attributes="member: 14320">Outright BashingTHE WIFE'S BACK ON THE WARPATH AGAIN.SHE WAS UP FOR MAKING A SEX MOVIE LAST NIGHT, AND ALL I DID WASSUGGEST WE SHOULD HOLD AUDITIONS FOR HER PART.I'VE ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED SOME SCRABBLE TILES. MY NEXT CRAP COULD SPELL DISASTER. MY SISTER-IN-LAW SAT ON MY GLASSES AND BROKE THEM.IT WAS MY OWN FAULT. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THEM OFF. I SPENT A COUPLE OF HOURS DEFROSTING THE FRIDGE LAST NIGHT, OR"FOREPLAY" AS SHE LIKES TO CALL IT.AFTER BOTH SUFFERING FROM DEPRESSION FOR A WHILE, ME AND THE WIFEWERE GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE YESTERDAY.BUT STRANGELY ENOUGH, ONCE SHE KILLED HERSELF, I STARTED TO FEEL ALOT BETTER. SO I THOUGHT, "SCREW IT, SOLDIER ON!"I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AT 8, AND COULD SENSE SOMETHING WAS WRONG.I GOT DOWNSTAIRS AND FOUND THE WIFE FACE DOWN ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR,NOT BREATHING!I PANICKED. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. THEN I REMEMBERED MCDONALD'S SERVES BREAKFAST UNTIL 11:30. BOUGHT THE MISSUS A HAMSTER SKIN COAT LAST WEEK. TOOK HER TO THE FAIR LAST NIGHT, AND IT TOOK ME 3 HOURS TO GET HEROFF THE FERRIS WHEEL.THE OTHER NIGHT, MY WIFE ASKED ME HOW MANY WOMEN I'D SLEPT WITH. I TOLD HER, "ONLY YOU. ALL THE OTHERS KEPT ME AWAKE ALL NIGHT!"My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, shescreamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!""Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"A CATHOLIC BOY IN CONFESSION SAYS, "BLESS ME FATHER, I HAVE SINNED, I MASTURBATED WHILE THINKING ABOUT MY SISTER.""THAT'S A DISGRACE," SAID THE PRIEST, "ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE TWOGORGEOUS BROTHERS." A GOVERNMENT SURVEY HAS SHOWN THAT 91% OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS COME TOTHIS COUNTRY SO THAT THEY CAN SEE THEIR OWN DOCTOR.I'VE JUST INSTALLED STROBE LIGHTS IN THE BEDROOM. IT MAKES THE WIFE LOOK LIKE SHE'S MOVING DURING SEX.</blockquote>

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