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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064627898" data-attributes="member: 14320">Wife JokesHenny YoungmanMy wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney DangerfieldA good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Milton BerleI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. George BurnsI bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake." Henny YoungmanNever go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis DillerThe secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice." =====When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. =====I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her. =====My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends. =====A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did. =====Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that. =====Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. =====A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." =====Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son. =====Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late. =====A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same : "You can have mine." =====A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. "A billionaire." she replied, =====The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it. =====A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother" His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?" =====Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. =====Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. =====If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. =====I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. =====It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer. =====Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. =====A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..." =====Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.=====I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention. =====A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. =====A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead." =====Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelery. =====Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute =====First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive. =====The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.=====April and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."=====My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.</blockquote>

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