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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064631545" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p>EXCERCISES TO PREPARE FOR YOUR HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE</p><p></p><p>1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe </p><p>you with his applicator.</p><p></p><p>2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat </p><p>Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff </p><p>his slinky down your throat.</p><p></p><p>3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your </p><p>front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin </p><p>with straws stuck up your nose.</p><p></p><p>4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing </p><p>your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort."</p><p></p><p>5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM</p><p>to seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture </p><p>your wrist with a Craftsman (squarehead) screwdriver and </p><p>stab yourself with a knitting needle.</p><p></p><p>6. Remove all actual food from the house.</p><p></p><p>7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a </p><p>coat tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the </p><p>hall.</p><p></p><p>8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube.</p><p></p><p>=====</p><p></p><p>This lady goes to the drug store to buy her husband some toiletries. A clerk comes up to her and asks if she needs some assistance.</p><p></p><p>"I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband," she says, "but I don't know what type he uses."</p><p></p><p>"Is it the ball type?" The clerk asks.</p><p></p><p>"No," replies the lady, "it's for his underarms."</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064631545, member: 14320"] EXCERCISES TO PREPARE FOR YOUR HOSPITAL EXPERIENCE 1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe you with his applicator. 2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky down your throat. 3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up your nose. 4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort." 5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a Craftsman (squarehead) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle. 6. Remove all actual food from the house. 7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall. 8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube. ===== This lady goes to the drug store to buy her husband some toiletries. A clerk comes up to her and asks if she needs some assistance. "I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband," she says, "but I don't know what type he uses." "Is it the ball type?" The clerk asks. "No," replies the lady, "it's for his underarms." [/QUOTE]
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