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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064632488" data-attributes="member: 14320">Men's Fears5 QUESTIONS MOST FEARED BY MEN:1. What are you thinking about?2. Do you love me?3. Do I look fat?4. Do you think she is prettier than me?5. What would you do if I died?What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e.,tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.____________________________________________________ Question # 1: What are you thinking about?The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:a. Baseball.b. Football.c. How fat you are.d. How much prettier she is than you.e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you."_______________________________________________ Question # 2: Do you love me?The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."Inappropriate responses include:a. Oh Yeah, shit-loads.b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?c. That depends on what you mean by love.d. Does it matter?e. Who, me?____________________________________________________ Question # 3: Do I look fat?The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"Among the incorrect answers are:a. Compared to what?b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.c. A little extra weight looks good on you.d. I've seen fatter.e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.____________________________________________________ Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"Incorrect responses include:a. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.____________________________________________________ Question # 5: What would you do if I died?A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette and a boat").No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up. Questions usually along these lines WOMAN: Would you get married again?MAN: Definitely not!WOMAN: Why not-don't you like being married?MAN: Of course I do.WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)MAN: ( makes audible groan )WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?MAN: Where else would we sleep?WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her.MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed.WOMAN: ---- silence -----MAN: Shit.</blockquote>

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