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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3244737" data-attributes="member: 14320">No Arms, No Legs!A very good looking guy is walking down the beach and hesees a woman with no arms or legs, just "sitting" there.As he approaches her, he notices that she is crying hereyes out. He bends down and asks "why are you crying?"She replies, "I've never been deeply kissed, would youkiss me?"So he thinks for a second and then bends down, gives her adeep kiss and starts to walk away again. But then shestarts bawling and crying even louder. He turns and askswhy she's crying this time. She looks at him wantonlyand says, "I've never been fucked before."So he thinks for another second, walks over to her,bends down and picks her up, and chucks her into theocean, and says, "Well, you're fucked now."**********The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men lastlonger during the act.The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn'tdo it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was tooopen.He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, herealized his solution.On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. Hegot out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. Heclosed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felta quick tug at the bottom of his pants.Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyesshut and replied, "What?"He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too whileyou're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutesago."Bump: Male RulesWe always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rulesfrom the male side. These are our rules!1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put itdown. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complainingabout you leaving it down.2. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moonor the changing of the tides. Let it be.3. Shopping is NOT a sport. Andno, we are never going to think of it that way.4. Crying is blackmail.5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints donot work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just sayit!6. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost everyquestion.7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,all comments become null and void after 7 days.10. If you won't dresslike the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap operaguys.11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.12. If something we said or do can be interpreted two ways, and one of theways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, forexample, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have noidea what mauve is.17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act likenothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth thehassle.19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect ananswer you don't want to hear.20. When we have to go somewhere,absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.22. You have enough clothes.23. You have too many shoes.24. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.25. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.26. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on thecouch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's likecamping.</blockquote>

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