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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3345302" data-attributes="member: 14320">Did The SplitsSheila the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over onthe bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, shesomehow slipped sideways and did the splits and suctioned herself to thefloor. She yelled out for her husband Bruce."Bruce! Bruce!" she yelled. Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloodysuctioned myself to the floor," she said."Strewth!" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl.I'll go across the road and get Cobba."They came back and they both tried to pull her up."Let's try Plan B." said Cobba."Plan B?!" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that?""I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tilesunder her," replied Cobba."Spot on." Bruce said. "While you're doing that, I'll stay here and playwith her tits.""Play with her tits?" Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for thatmate.""No," Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we canslide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive." ********Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you aweek later.Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?A. Love doesn't last forever.Q. What's better than a rose on your piano?A. Tulips on your organ.Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?A. A bloody waste of fucking time.Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?A. A police horse.********A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down. He phonedthe Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after. Theservice man opened the bonnet and after a while the repair man said, "It looks like you've blown a seal ", the man replies "No, it's justfrost on my moustache."</blockquote>

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