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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 3390147" data-attributes="member: 14320">Before The PregnancyAm I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?*Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.Are birth control pills deductible?*Only if they don't work.What is a chastity belt?*A labor-saving device.Should I have a baby after 35?*No, 35 children are enough.Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?*Yes, but it's much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?*Your therapist.During The PregnancyHow will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?*If it's the flu, you'll get better.I normally wear a size 34-C bra. Now that I'm pregnant, should I continue to wear a bra?*Not if you don't mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?*Childbirth.I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?*With any luck, right after he finishes college.Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?*Yes, your bladder.Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?*Depends on what you're doing with them.What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?*Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder.My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?*Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.When is the best time to get an epidural?*Right after you find out your pregnant.What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?*It means you feel as thought not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make it's way out of you.What are forceps?*Giant baby tweezers.Does labor cause hemorrhoids?*Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.After The PregnancyWill I love my dog less when the baby is born?*No, but your husband might get on your nerves.Under what circumstances should a baby not be circumcised?*When it's a girl, for starters.Where is the best place to store breast milk?*In your breasts.Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?*Yes, baby lips.What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?*It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.How does one sanitize nipples?*Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.What are the terrible twos?*Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?*When you see teeth marks.What is the grasp reflex?*The reaction of new father's when he sees new mother's breasts.What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?*They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare.Do I have to have a baby shower?*Not if your change the baby's diaper very quickly.What causes baby blues?*Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.What is colic?*A reminder for new parents to use birth control.What are night terrors?*Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again.Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?*When the kids are in college.Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?*Yes, pregnancy.</blockquote>

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