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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4249362" data-attributes="member: 14320">Rules For Cheating On Your SpouseHere are a list of rules that may be very helpful todetermine if you have cheated on your spouse or significant other:1. Oral Sex does not count. That much has been established.2. If you can't remember the person's name the following day,it doesn't count. 3. If you failed to call the person back to have more sex,it doesn't count. 4. If neither of you achieved orgasm, it doesn't count. 5. Sex with a friend doesn't count; it's just another thing for you sharetogether! (Now you have something to tell women when they say theyjust want to be friends!) 6. If the act was so lame you leave thinking, "Did Ireally need a shower for that?" doesn't count. 7. An old flame, doesn't count. This is just called final closure. 8. An ex-spouse, doesn't count. This is mercy sex. 9. Masturbating in front of someone while they do the same.Nope doesn't count, since masturbation isn't sex. That toohas been established. 10. Cyber-sex? NO WAY! This is glorified masturbation. 11. Two heterosexual women intimate fun, but not sex,doesn't count. 12. Kissing body parts is not cheating. 13. An act to make a married person feel good aboutthemselves, not sex, BUT only if you do not know theirsignificant other on a first-name basis. 14. A sexual act committed while you were intoxicated,doesn't count. 15. An act committed with a family member of yoursignificant other doesn't count. This should just bereferred to as "a skeleton in the family closet." 16. Acts committed in a public place doesn't count.(Why should it? It was public, right?). 17. Phone sex doesn't count. Refer back to "glorifiedmasturbation." 18. Sex in car, doesn't count. Way too cramped toreally enjoy it. However, if vehicle is in motion andhas a console or stick shift, this counts, because itis way too kinky and erotic NOT TO count. Well, unlessthe act was totally oral. If so, refer back to rule #1. 19. An act in which the female did not achieve totalsatisfaction doesn't count. 20. An act in which no kissing takes place doesn't count,because it isn't considered intimate. 21. An act in which "you do all the work" doesn't count.That's work! 22. An act committed with your next door neighbor doesn'tcount. This should be referred to as "being neighborly." 23. An act committed with an acquaintance because you areangry with your significant other doesn't count. Well,you were angry, and everyone knows no one is responsiblefor their own feelings. See rule #14. 25. An act which only happens on a random basis, doesn'tcount. This should be considered "getting acquainted." 26. An act with a US President, doesn't count, unless theSenate votes to impeach. 27. An act with your boss, doesn't count. This is justconsidered career enhancement and/or additional employeebenefits. WARNING: Any sex that results in pregnancy, or a socialdisease DOES count, since such things provide constant reminders. </blockquote>

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