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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4307161" data-attributes="member: 14320">You Might Be A Caffeine Addict If...Starbucks has decided to use you as their official mascot.You've ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you in the morning.You regard the fact that your hands are shaking as a good sign.Your birthday is a national holiday in Colombia.You go to sleep just to wake up and smell the coffee.Your coffee pot is next to your bed and your alarm clock is in the kitchen.You've ever used the airplane's Call button just to get a coffee refill.You can't remember the last time you blinked.The dishes in your house are all coffee cups.Your dog's name is Folgers.You see nothing wrong with using water joe (caffeinated water)to make the coffee you use to take your no-doze.You could live in a desert like a hermit, eating bugs for food,as long as you had enough coffee beans with you.&&&One day, Joe Dokes came home and was greeted by his wifedressed in a very sexy nightie."Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."So he tied her up and went fishing.Q: What's the definition of "gross?'A: When you ask your girlfriend for a hickey, and she's so old shefirst has to fetch her teeth out of a glass.Q: What's the definition of "grosser?'A: When her teeth stick to your skin.GROSS World Records!MOST SEMEN SWALLOWEDMichelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991.LONGEST PUBESMaoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and28 inches from her vagina.MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCHLinda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completelyinsert a lubricated American football into her vagina.ZIT POPPINGIn July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England, squeezed a zit andprojected a detectable amount of yellow pus a distance of 7ft 1 inch.WORST DRINKThe most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk isKhoona.It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists ofa small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It isbelieved to be a potent aphrodisiac.MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAILThis is available from a few select bars in New York. It contains tomatojuice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime.It is not mixed, but served with a tampon (unused) instead of a cocktailumbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump.'GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMENHorst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminalfluid.He also hold the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and thegreatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7mph.LONGEST TURDThe longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produceda staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officiallymeasuredat 12 ft 2 in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state.MOST PROLONGED FARTBernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officiallyrecordedtime of 2 mins 42 seconds.</blockquote>

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