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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4323263" data-attributes="member: 14320">A Dummies' Guide For Dummy’sDon't throw a brick straight up.Don't take long naps while driving.Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.Your body has the correct number of holes in it. Don't make any more.Don't microwave yourself too often.Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the flame to see if it'ssufficiently hot.If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actuallyraise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.When you are in bed remember to close your eyes.No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outsideof all fences at the zoo.When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.Under no circumstances should you ever reproduce.When you find a prize in a box of "Crackerjacks" there is no need toreport it on your income tax return."Time" magazine is not suitable to wear on your wrist. Get a watch.One + one = two. Try to remember that.Don't count the peas in a can. It is not an exact science.If you discover that February only has 28 days, don't report it to theConsumer Fraud Department. Likely they will ignore your complaint.For faster elevator service press the elevator button many times.April 1st is Your special high holy day.-------When It's Okay To Fart In Public:~^~ In your boss' office as you are turning to leave. Tip- Make sureit's a silent one.~^~ In a bathroom.~^~ In a cashier's line - it might help to speed up things.~^~ In an empty elevator before you get off.~^~ Next to an occupied changing room - it may quickly becomeunoccupied.~^~ In someone else's unoccupied cubicle at work.~^~ While parachuting.~^~ While scuba diving.~^~ In the back seat of a patrol car if you are arrested.~^~ During interrogation if you're the one being interrogated.~^~ In your car if you've been carjacked.~^~ In the changing room when you're sure someone else is waitinghis/her turn.~^~ In your car once you've been pulled over… the cop may let you goquicker.~^~ During a pie eating competition to distract your competitors.~^~ While walking down a crowded hallway. Nobody will know whom toblame.</blockquote>