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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4388322" data-attributes="member: 14320">Blow Job ETIQUETTEWHAT A GIRL HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. 3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face. 4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. 5. My ears are NOT handles. 6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick? 7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart. 8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now. 9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol. 10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you. 11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future. 12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude. 13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care aboutthe protein content. 14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. 15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag. 16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning."WHAT A MAN HAS TO SAY ON THE SUBJECT1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will. 2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easierthan licking a dead fish. 3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you? 4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair. 5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up! 6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me. 7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country. 8. At least there is no damner of a dick bleeding in your mouth. 9. Play with the balls. 10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better. 11. Caress the ass, too. We like that! 12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep." 13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you? http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/6310/binladenbanner27066177.jpgQ:Why does Osama always carry a piece of shit in his pocket?A: It's his photo IDQ: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?A: Nothing, yet.Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?A: B-52...F-16...B-1...Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?A: DuckQ: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?A: So they can see their Air Force.Q: What does Osama bin laden and General Custer have in common?A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!Q: What's the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of shit?A: the bucketQ: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?A: Two days.Q: Why don't bin laden's people eat shit sandwiches?A: they can't stand breadQ: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?A: because the camels can't handle itWhy are the al-Qaida terrorists so quick to commit suicide?Let's see now:- no pre-marital sex- no oral sex, ever- no booze- no titty bars- no Playboy channel- no organized sports of any kind- "Hooters! What is this 'Hooters' of which you speak!"- fucking sand everywhere- ever fish at an oasis?- rags for clothes and hats- eating with your right hand only cause you wipe yourass with your left- constant wailing from the ass hole next door...no wait...is that music?- shit, can't tell.- barbecue cooked over camel dung- their women have to wear baggy dresses and veil's- Oh, and by the way when you die it all gets better!Hummmmmmmmmmmmmmm??????????</blockquote>

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