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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4424571" data-attributes="member: 14320">Crap Encyclopedia: Part 3The Houdini CrapYou go, then you stand up to flush and the damn thing has disappeared. Where'd it go? Did it creep down the pipe? Did you dream the whole thing? Is it lurking out of sight? Should you wipe... maybe you should just to make sure you went. Should you flush? You'd better, because if you don't, you know it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in.The Hangover CrapYou feel so bad that you don't know which end of you to put down first. You have roaring cramps, so you sit down. Then a wave of nausea rolls over you like a cold fog, so you stand up and cramps squeeze your intestines like a vice so you sit down again... up down, up down. Don't you wish Mum was close by.The Porta-Pottie DumpConstruction workers and outdoor concertgoers will tell you about going in a portable toilet. My best description would be, 'It's like taking a shit in an upright coffin.' It's claustrophobic and it smells bad. Best advice: go in a paper cup.The Proctologist CrapIn the beginning, the Lord created the earth, the sky and the firmament, but I hope he didn't create this dump because there is nothing biblical about it. You run out of gas. That's right, you run out of propulsion. The crap is right there at the end of your barrel and refuses to go any further. You grunt, you squeeze, you wriggle but it just stays there like a lump of lead. You've only got two choices here. One is to squeeze the damn thing back up your intestine and wait until next time. The other is to pretend you're a proctologist and go after it yourself. Not a pretty picture is it?The Whole Roll CrapNo matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.The Graffiti CrapYou flush the crap and the swirling motion of the receding bowl water forces the crap to the porcelain sides, scraping a creative squiggle on its way down. You flush again but the curly-Q hangs there... love it or leave it, it's your choice.The Encore Crap'Ahhh!' You're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the toilet when you feel another crap on its way. You have to return for a curtain call.The Born Again CrapThis is a dump that's going badly. You say, 'Lord, if I live through this, I'll take up religion.' You always get through it, but seldom keep the promises you made in desperation, because a born-again crap is like childbirth - you forget the pain quickly.</blockquote>

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