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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4427508" data-attributes="member: 14320">Old People JokesTwo old women were talking about their lives since they had become care home residents. They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her husband had moved in.The other woman said that her sex life was great, "I put both legs behind my head and when he comes out and sees me like that my husband gets really excited. We have wild sex all night!""Is that right?" said Ethel, "Well then, I'm going to try tonight!"That evening, while Ethel's husband was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, she took off all her clothes. And although it's a struggle, she manages to get both legs behind her head. No sooner has she accomplished this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move.It wasn't too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face, he yells, "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!!"________An old couple were finding it hard to make ends meet. So after watching a TV show on Hollywood prostitutes the wife thought that this was the way to go.The next day she put on a mini skirt and hit the streets. The old girl returned later that night and held out $75.50 in change."What cheap motherfucker gave you the 50 cents?" asked her husband."They all did!" she replied.________An old man walked into a brothel one day and said to the madam, "I would really like a young girl for the night""How old are you then sir?" asked the madam."I am 98 years old and still going strong, cough, cough!""Ninety Eight?!" said the madam, "Don't you realise that you've had it?""Oh, really?" replied the old man, "How much do I owe you?"_______An elderly man was driving down the M62 motorway one day when his wife rang him on his cell phone."Arthur," his wife shouted, "Be careful when your driving back. I just heard that there is a maniac on the motorway and driving the wrong way!""It's not just one," Arthur replied, "There are fucking hundreds of them!"______An elderly couple in their 90's decide to get divorced so they go to their lawyer to sort things out."Wow," said the lawyer, "at your age, and after 70 years of married life. What brought about this decision?""Well you see," explained the couple, "We wanted to wait until the children were dead!"________Why do old men take Viagara?It stops them from rolling out of bed!Why don't old men eat their wives out?Have you ever pulled grilled cheese apart?What do you call a condom in an old folks home?Software!What's 60 feet long and smells of piss?The conga at the old folks home!</blockquote>

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