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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4455327" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Men Are Like....</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.</p><p></p><p>Men are like.....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">88888</span></strong></p><p></p><p>A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".</p><p></p><p>Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.</p><p></p><p>This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".</p><p></p><p>Again, there's a bright flash... and then his legs fall off!<span style="color: Silver"></span></p><p><span style="color: Silver"></span></p><p><span style="color: Silver"><span style="font-size: 9px">---------- Post added at 06:21 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 06:18 PM ----------</span></span></p><p><span style="color: Silver"></span></p><p><span style="color: Silver"></span><strong><span style="color: Teal">A Blind Lumber Man</span></strong></p><p></p><p>The foreman at the lumberyard needed a replacement for an employee who just quit;</p><p>and while he wasn't eager to hire the blind man (because of the obvious risks involved), the blind man begged for the chance.</p><p>"You'll see," he said. "Just put me in front of a pile of lumber. I sniff the lumber and know what type it is I will stack it accordingly."</p><p></p><p>So the foreman agreed to give it a shot.</p><p>Positioning the blind man in front of a stack of wood, he asked what type it was. Ahhhhhhhhhh..." said the blind man, taking a deep breath. "Pine, twelve-foot," and stacked it in place.</p><p></p><p>The foreman was surprised and repeated the test with oak and redwood, fir and mahogany, but the blind man didn't miss once.</p><p>Then, getting a sly look on his face, the foreman called up to the office secretary.</p><p>"There's a blind man applying for a job and I don't want to hire him.</p><p>He says he can tell what kind of wood we have just by sniffing it.</p><p>I want to confuse him.. come back here, take off all your clothes and lay on top of that pile of wood."</p><p></p><p>The secretary stripped naked and draped herself across the wood.</p><p>Sniffing furiously, the blind man then looked puzzled. "Gee, I don't believe I've ever smelled wood like that before... let me take another sniff."</p><p></p><p>He went closer and sniffed the wood again.</p><p>"DAMN, I have no idea what that is... can you turn it over?"</p><p>The secretary turned over.</p><p>The blind man went near the pile of wood and took another deep sniff.</p><p>"Well?" the foreman asked. "What kind of wood is THAT?"</p><p>"Hmmm..." said the blind man, "I'm not sure, but near as I can tell, it's the shit house door off a tuna boat."</p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">------------</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Two senior citizens were bragging about their sex lives in the elderly</p><p>homes.</p><p>"Can you still do it? I have sex with my wife twice a week. How many can</p><p>you do?"</p><p>"Oh, I do it almost every night of the week!" "Almost every</p><p>night!!?????"</p><p>"Yup! Monday, almost. Tuesday, almost. Wednesday,............"</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 4455327, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Men Are Like....[/COLOR][/B] Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like.....Bike helmets. Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly. Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature. Men are like.....Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small. Men are like.....Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it. Men are like.....Lava lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright. Men are like.....Bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. Men are like.....High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. Men are like.....Curling irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair. Men are like.....Mini skirts. If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs. Men are like.....Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are. [B][COLOR="Red"]88888[/COLOR][/B] A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash... and then his legs fall off![COLOR="Silver"] [SIZE=1]---------- Post added at 06:21 PM ---------- 6 hour anti-bump limit - Previous post was at 06:18 PM ----------[/SIZE] [/COLOR][B][COLOR="Teal"]A Blind Lumber Man[/COLOR][/B] The foreman at the lumberyard needed a replacement for an employee who just quit; and while he wasn't eager to hire the blind man (because of the obvious risks involved), the blind man begged for the chance. "You'll see," he said. "Just put me in front of a pile of lumber. I sniff the lumber and know what type it is I will stack it accordingly." So the foreman agreed to give it a shot. Positioning the blind man in front of a stack of wood, he asked what type it was. Ahhhhhhhhhh..." said the blind man, taking a deep breath. "Pine, twelve-foot," and stacked it in place. The foreman was surprised and repeated the test with oak and redwood, fir and mahogany, but the blind man didn't miss once. Then, getting a sly look on his face, the foreman called up to the office secretary. "There's a blind man applying for a job and I don't want to hire him. He says he can tell what kind of wood we have just by sniffing it. I want to confuse him.. come back here, take off all your clothes and lay on top of that pile of wood." The secretary stripped naked and draped herself across the wood. Sniffing furiously, the blind man then looked puzzled. "Gee, I don't believe I've ever smelled wood like that before... let me take another sniff." He went closer and sniffed the wood again. "DAMN, I have no idea what that is... can you turn it over?" The secretary turned over. The blind man went near the pile of wood and took another deep sniff. "Well?" the foreman asked. "What kind of wood is THAT?" "Hmmm..." said the blind man, "I'm not sure, but near as I can tell, it's the shit house door off a tuna boat." [B][COLOR="Red"]------------[/COLOR][/B] Two senior citizens were bragging about their sex lives in the elderly homes. "Can you still do it? I have sex with my wife twice a week. How many can you do?" "Oh, I do it almost every night of the week!" "Almost every night!!?????" "Yup! Monday, almost. Tuesday, almost. Wednesday,............" [/QUOTE]
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