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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 4466629" data-attributes="member: 14320"> Wife JokesApril and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."=====My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.Henny YoungmanMy wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.Rodney DangerfieldA good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.Milton BerleI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.George BurnsI bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburator."I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."Henny YoungmanNever go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.Phyllis DillerThe secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.Henny YoungmanAfter a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."=====When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.=====I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.=====My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.=====A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.=====Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.=====Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.=====A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."=====Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?Dad: That happens in every country, son.=====Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.=====A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."The next day he received a hundred letters.They all said the same : "You can have mine."=====A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire.""And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend."A billionaire." she replied,=====The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.=====A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"=====Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.=====Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.=====If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.=====I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.=====It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.=====Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.=====A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!""What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."=====Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.=====I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father,I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.=====A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.=====A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."=====Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.They've experienced pain and bought jewelery.=====Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute=====First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.=====The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.</blockquote>

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