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Message: <blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 2928069" data-attributes="member: 14320">That's Resolution..!By the beginningthe of year, we all set to go thru a new resolution for new yearfor a better cause..Let's see here one same resolution of a funny couple..HUSBAND:To My Dearest Wife,During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times.I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days.The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:1. We will wake the kids...........................54 times2. It's too late..........................................15 times3. I'm too tired........................... ..............42 times4. It's too early........................................ 12 times5. It's too hot............................... ...........18 times6. Pretending to be asleep........... .............31 times7. The neighbors will hear............. ............9 times8. Headache or backache............ ............ 26 times9. Sunburn................................... .........10 times10. Your mother will hear us......... ........9 times11. Not in the mood...................... ........ 21 times12. Watching the late show.......... .......... 17 times13. Too sore................................. ........ 26 times14. New hairdo............................ ..... .... 6 times15. Wrong time of the month........ ..... ..... 14 times16. You had to go to the bathroom. ..... .....19 timesOf the 36 times that I DID succeed,the result was not always satisfying because6..... times you just laid there,8.....times you reminded that there was a crack in the ceiling,4..... times you told me to hurry up and get it over with,7..... times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, andonce I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashingaround and breathing heavy.Let's try to improve this, shall we?Love, Your Hubbyxxx000xxxWIFE :My Dearest Husband,I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't getmore than you did this past year:1. Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat..........23 times2. Did not come home at all............................... ..... 36 times3. Came home but slept in car ..................... ..... .....21 times4. Came too soon....................................... ..... .....38 times5. Went soft before you got it in. ..............................19 times6. Cramps in your leg..............................................16 times7. Working too late........................................ .........33 times8. You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat............29 times9. Caught yourself in your zipper..............................15 times10. You had a cold and your nose kept running...........21 times11. You had burned your tongue on hot coffee/cigar....9 times12. You had a splinter in your finger..........................11 times13. You lost the notion after thinking about it..............42 times14. Came in your pj's after reading a dirty book.........16 timesThe reason I laid still was because you had missed meand were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time ,I didn't want to move and spoil your good timeI wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling-what I said was"Would you like me on my back or kneeling?"The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you fartedand I was fighting for air.Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"Love, Your Wife</blockquote>

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