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Message: <blockquote data-quote="sakuraguy" data-source="post: 1677924" data-attributes="member: 6441">Domestic violence against menDomestic violence against men (VAM) is specifically an act of relationship violence against men, perpetrated by a woman in a romantic relationship with the man. The perpetrators of the violence are often the man's wife, girlfriend, or fiancee.Domestic violence against men, as with domestic violence in general, can take myriad forms from subtle to extreme, and encompasses both physical and non-physical violence. Some of the domestic abuses committed against men include verbal assault, psychological manipulation, emotional abuse, sexual assault, emasculation, or rape, all committed by a girlfriend, wife or fiancee in a relationship with a male. Women may also engage in more subtle, but still damaging, domestic violence against men by treating sex as a weapon or bartering chip, and attempting to manipulate and control their male partner with it.StatisticsVery little is known about the actual number of men who are in a domestic relationship in which they are abused or treated violently by women. This is due in large part to the fact that far fewer instances of abuse committed against men are reported than those against women, and that the problem of abuse against men is far larger than the available data would seem to indicate.[1] However, the available data do indicate that:3.2 million men experience "minor" abuse (such as "pushing, grabbing, shoving, slapping, and hitting") per year.In the United States, approximately 800,000 men per year (3.2%) are raped or physically assaulted by their partner.At least 371,000 men are stalked by their partner every year.3% of nonfatal violence against men stems from domestic violence.In 2002, men comprised 24% of domestic violence homicide victims.Over 20 years, the instances of homicide from domestic violence against men decreased by approximately 67%.Approximately 22% of men have experienced "physical, sexual, or psychological" abuse during their life.Why do we know so little?There are many reasons why we don't know more about domestic abuse and violence against men. First of all, the reported incidence of domestic violence against men appears to be so low that it is hard to get reliable estimates. In addition, it has taken years of advocacy and support to encourage women to report domestic violence. Virtually nothing has been done to encourage men to report abuse. The idea that men could be victims of domestic abuse and violence is so unthinkable that many men will not even attempt to report the situation.The dynamic of domestic abuse and violence is also different between men and women. The reasons, purposes and motivations are often very different between sexes. Although the counseling and psychological community have responded to domestic abuse and violence against women, there has been very little investment in resources to address and understand the issues of domestic abuse and violence against men. In most cases, the actual physical damage inflicted by men is so much greater than the actual physical harm inflected by women. The impact of domestic violence is less apparent and less likely to come to the attention of others when men are abused. For example, it is assumed than a man with a bruise or black eye was in a fight with another man or was injured on the job or playing contact sports. Even when men do report domestic abuse and violence, most people are so astonished men usually end up feeling like nobody believes them.Characteristics of women who are abusive and violentThe characteristics of men or women who are abusive fall into three categories.Alcohol Abuse. Alcohol abuse is a major cause and trigger in domestic violence. People who are intoxicated have less impulse control, are easily frustrated, have greater misunderstandings and are generally prone to resort to violence as a solution to problems. Women who abuse men are frequently alcoholics. Psychological Disorders. There are certain psychological problems, primarily personality disorders, in which women are characteristically abusive and violent toward men. Borderline personality disorder is a diagnosis that is found almost exclusively with women. Approximately 1 to 2 percent of all women have a Borderline Personality disorder. At least 50% of all domestic abuse and violence against men is associated with woman who have a Borderline Personality disorder. [citation needed] The disorder is also associated with suicidal behavior, severe mood swings, lying, sexual problems and alcohol abuse. Unrealistic expectations, assumptions and conclusions. Women who are abusive toward men usually have unrealistic expectations and make unrealistic demands of men. These women will typically experience repeated episodes of depression, anxiety, frustration and irritability which they attribute to a man's behavior. In fact, their mental and emotional state is the result of their own insecurities, emotional problems, trauma during childhood or even withdrawal from alcohol. They blame men rather than admit their problems, take responsibility for how they live their lives or do something about how they make themselves miserable. They refuse to enter treatment and may even insist the man needs treatment. Instead of helping themselves, they blame a man for how they feel and believe that a man should do something to make them feel better. They will often medicate their emotions with alcohol. When men can't make them feel better, these women become frustrated and assume that men are doing this on purpose. Why do men stay in abusive and violent relationships?Men stay in abusive and violent relationships for many different reasons. The following is a brief list of the primary reasons. [citation needed]Protecting Their Children. Abused men are afraid to leave their children alone with an abusive woman. They are afraid that if they leave they will never be allowed to see their children again. The man is afraid the woman will tell his children he is a bad person or that he doesn't love them. Assuming Blame (Guilt Prone). Many abused men believe it is their fault or feel they deserve the treatment they receive. They assume blame for events that other people would not. They feel responsible and have an unrealistic belief that they can and should do something that will make things better. Dependency (or Fear of Independence). The abused man is mentally, emotionally or financially dependent on the abusive woman. The idea of leaving the relationship creates significant feelings of depression or anxiety. They are "addicted" to each other.</blockquote>

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