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<blockquote data-quote="melody" data-source="post: 1064175640" data-attributes="member: 14320"><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Men Seeking Women</span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">FREE CLASSIFIED ADS – Men Seeking Women</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Unattractive, unemployed man with small penis seeks women with huge breasts, great body, angelic face, who loves kinky sex, is a great cook, and who is always in a good mood. Must love sports and be able to mow the lawn and do maintenance work around the house. Must make over $250,00 per year. Bi-sexual with sexy girlfriends is a plus. Please call 555-1212.</p><p></p><p>I want a blow job. No strings attached. Any woman will do. Could lead to steady work. Swallowing is a plus. Call Bob at 555-3267.</p><p></p><p>WANTED: Woman with vagina. 555-1435.</p><p></p><p>Suck my penis. 555-4678.</p><p></p><p>WANTED: Woman with huge tits. 555-8976.</p><p></p><p>WANTED: Woman who doesn’t bitch. Looks don’t matter. 555-8597.</p><p></p><p>YOU CAN HAVE MY WIFE. Doesn’t cook or clean. Overweight and unattractive. Never wears makeup or dresses up. Hates sex and men. Bitches all the time and has no tits. Huge ass. Wears lots of perfume to cover body odor. Serious perpetual yeast infection. Cross-eyed. Missing two front teeth. Chews tobacco. Many other postive qualities. 1st caller takes her. 555-2395.</p><p></p><p>Extremely handsome, rich, and sensitive man seeks extraordinarily beautiful woman with large breasts to perform oral sex daily, then do my laundry. Must be willing to work for free. 714-555-8623</p><p></p><p>Man seeks lingerie model for kinky sex. No experience necessary. Will train. 555-2740.</p><p></p><p>Shriveled old man with no money, looks, or hygiene seeks young attractive model to change my diaper. Will consider sex but only with exceptional beauties. 555-4759. </p><p></p><p><strong><span style="color: Teal">Dear Baby Doctor</span></strong></p><p></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>What is the most common pregnancy craving?</p><p></p><p>A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be</p><p>beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?</p><p></p><p>A. Your therapist.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?</p><p></p><p>A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet</p><p>have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?</p><p></p><p>A. Yes, your bladder.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?</p><p></p><p>A. Because you're fatter then they are.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?</p><p></p><p>A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a</p><p>Playboy centerfold?</p><p></p><p>A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,</p><p>but pressure. Is she right?</p><p></p><p>A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me</p><p>in that delicate position?</p><p></p><p>A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies,</p><p>photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>Does labor cause hemorrhoids?</p><p></p><p>A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?</p><p></p><p>A. Yes, baby lips.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?</p><p></p><p>A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to</p><p>nurse.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>What are the terrible twos?</p><p></p><p>A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?</p><p></p><p>A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global</p><p>chemical warfare.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>What is colic?</p><p></p><p>A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>What are night terrors?</p><p></p><p>A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant</p><p>again.</p><p><strong><span style="color: Red">~~~</span></strong></p><p>Dear Baby Doctor,</p><p>Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and</p><p>act normal again?</p><p></p><p>A. When the kid is in college.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="melody, post: 1064175640, member: 14320"] [B][COLOR="Teal"]Men Seeking Women FREE CLASSIFIED ADS – Men Seeking Women[/COLOR][/B] Unattractive, unemployed man with small penis seeks women with huge breasts, great body, angelic face, who loves kinky sex, is a great cook, and who is always in a good mood. Must love sports and be able to mow the lawn and do maintenance work around the house. Must make over $250,00 per year. Bi-sexual with sexy girlfriends is a plus. Please call 555-1212. I want a blow job. No strings attached. Any woman will do. Could lead to steady work. Swallowing is a plus. Call Bob at 555-3267. WANTED: Woman with vagina. 555-1435. Suck my penis. 555-4678. WANTED: Woman with huge tits. 555-8976. WANTED: Woman who doesn’t bitch. Looks don’t matter. 555-8597. YOU CAN HAVE MY WIFE. Doesn’t cook or clean. Overweight and unattractive. Never wears makeup or dresses up. Hates sex and men. Bitches all the time and has no tits. Huge ass. Wears lots of perfume to cover body odor. Serious perpetual yeast infection. Cross-eyed. Missing two front teeth. Chews tobacco. Many other postive qualities. 1st caller takes her. 555-2395. Extremely handsome, rich, and sensitive man seeks extraordinarily beautiful woman with large breasts to perform oral sex daily, then do my laundry. Must be willing to work for free. 714-555-8623 Man seeks lingerie model for kinky sex. No experience necessary. Will train. 555-2740. Shriveled old man with no money, looks, or hygiene seeks young attractive model to change my diaper. Will consider sex but only with exceptional beauties. 555-4759. [B][COLOR="Teal"]Dear Baby Doctor[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, What is the most common pregnancy craving? A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this? A. Your therapist. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu? A. If it's the flu, you'll get better. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy? A. Yes, your bladder. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? A. Because you're fatter then they are. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, Will I love my dog less when the baby is born? A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold? A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right? A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position? A. Authorized personnel only -- doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, Does labor cause hemorrhoids? A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps? A. Yes, baby lips. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth? A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, What are the terrible twos? A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away? A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, What is colic? A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, What are night terrors? A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again. [B][COLOR="Red"]~~~[/COLOR][/B] Dear Baby Doctor, Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A. When the kid is in college. [/QUOTE]
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