JeSt fOr LaUgHs...

[melody]

Hide In The Closet

A man had just been married and came to work in a hurry the next day. He went up to a friend and said, "You must help me. My wife and I are both virgins and we don't know what to do!"

The friend replied, "Where are you going for your honeymoon?"

Man says, "To Disneyworld."

Friend, "OK, I'll come along with you and the first night I'll hide in the closet. if you have a problem....I'll be there."

Man, "Thank you!"

They did exactly that. The man left his wife and went to the bathroom.

He stubbed his toe as he reentered the bed and uttered an , "Oh...shit!"

His friend in the closet whispered, "Flip her over! Flip her over!"


=====

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves
Likes to jack off the young men she loves
She will use her bare fist
If the fellows insist
But she really prefers to wear gloves

 

[melody]

Roommates

These three teenage girls were roommates. One Friday night
right after the semester started they all had all gone out
on dates, and by chance all came home at about the same
time.

The first one came in and said with a smug look on her
face, "You know you've been on a good date when you come
home with your hair all messed up."

The second one laughed at her and said, "No, no, that's
nothing! You know you've been on a good date when you come
home with your makeup all smeared."

The third one sat quiet with a blank stare on her face and
didn't say a thing for a few minutes. Then she reached
under her skirt, removed her panties and threw them against
the wall, where they stuck with a loud noise.

=====

Two Italian nuns are riding their rickety old bikes down the back
streets of Rome late one afternoon. As it turns dusk, the
increasing darkness starts making one of the nuns a little nervous.
She leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come
this way before." The other nun replies, "It's the cobblestones."

 

[melody]

Cletus And Purty

Two policemen, one a rookie, the other an older red neck cop, were making their rounds through a lover's lane type of spot, when they spied a very young couple fooling around in a tent.

"Cletus, what should we do?" The rookie cop always deferred to his more experienced partner.

Cletus spat some tobacco juice on the ground. "Bo, we tell the little punk to scram, and then we have some fun with little Miss Purty, or we throw 'em both in jail. That's what we do!"

Cletus told Bo to go first, and Bo did.

The boy ran off into the woods and Cletus watched the tent shake, rattle and roll for the next ten minutes.

The girl didn't seem to be too upset that her little boyfriend was gone either!

Bo came back to the car zipping up his uniform, and Cletus went drooling to the tent.

Cletus entered and said, "Now, little girl, you're gonna find out what it's like with a real man."

From under the blanket, Cletus heard an incredulous familiar voice say, "Daddy?"

=====

There was this fine lady from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies were created by God
But it wasn't the almighty
That lifted her nighty,
It was Roger the lodger, by God!

 

[melody]

Public Men's Room


A man walks into a public men's room.

His arms are held awkwardly out to his sides, forearms hanging limply, fingers spread apart.

He approaches another man and asks, "Excuse me, but could you please unzip my fly?"

The second fellow is embarrassed, but feels sorry for the stranger, who appears to be crippled.

He thinks how humiliating it must be to have to ask for help for something like this, so he complies, unzipping the first man's pants.

Next, the man asks him to hold his cock while he pees.

The second guy is even more embarrassed, but does as he is asked.

Finally, the first guy finishes, and the second man starts to put his cock back in his pants.

"Oh, I can take care of that," the first man says, blowing on his fingers. "I think my nails are dry now."

=====

A man walks into a department store, and as he does, a perfume girl asks him to try some perfume.

The man tries some and says, "Hey, that's not too bad, what's it called?"

The perfume lady says, "Come to Me"

The man smells it again and says, "Yeah? Well, it doesn't smell like cum to me."

=====

A Man shouts to his wife,
Come here and look at my clock
She walks in to find him naked with a hard on
She says that's not a clock
He says it will be when you put two hands and a face on it..

 

[melody]

Lil Red Riding Hood

One day lil red riding hood was walking through the forest when the wolf came out and said, "I'm gonna fuck your lil red socks off" Lil red riding hood, said, "no way" and kept on walking. After a while lil red riding hood took a small break from walking. The wolf said,
"I'm gonna fuck your lil red socks off" Lil red Riding hood replied,"No you aint" and kept walking on the path. She finally reached her Grandmas House and steped inside. The wolf was waiting for her. The wolf stated,"I'm gonna fuck your lil red socks off". Lil red riding hood replied,"The hell you are,Your gonna eat me just like the story goes.
=====

A man walked in to his local butcher to find his regular butcher, John absent so he asks the manager, "Where's John?"

The manager tells the man that John was fired because he was found sticking his dick in the meat slicer"

Then the man asked, "Where is the meat slicer now?"

The butcher then replied, "I fired her too."

=====

All over the bed we did roam
I swear from my mouth I did foam
I was just fit to pop
When we both had to stop..
As a voice said "Hey honey, I'm home!!"

=====

Q. What is worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. “Being fingered by Captain Hook.”
Q:What do a bungee jumper and a gay guy have in common?
A: If the rubber breaks they are both in deep shit!

 

[melody]

Being Masculine

There were two gay guys living together.

One was more feminine and the other more masculine. The masculine one
lacked chest hair and it seemed to become a real problem for him. So,
one
day he decided to visit the doctor to see why he had no chest hair and
if
there was something he could do about it.

Well, the doctor said there was nothing wrong with the guy, and really
the
only thing he could try to stimulate hair growth was to smother Vaseline
all
over his chest daily and perhaps the skin would become stimulated enough
to
produce hair.

The masculine homosexual was elated. He went immediately home and
smothered
his chest in V-gel. When his partner came home and jumped into bed with

him, he felt the Vaseline and asked, "What in the hell are you doing?"

The masculine one explained what the doctor said and waited for comment
from
his partner.

Finally, his partner said, "Don't you think if that was true that you
would
have a pony tail coming out of your ass by now?"

=====

A young polo-player of Berkeley
Made love to his sweetheart beserkly.
In the midst of each chukker
He would break off and fuck her
Horizontally, laterally and vertically.

 

[melody]

Dinner With Her Parents

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have

dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the

girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would

like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so

he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The

pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy

everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms

he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy

insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather

busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and

meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to

meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the

girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace

and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his

head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend

leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you

were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was

a pharmacist."

=====

Q) What's the similarity between eating a juicy pussy and the Mafia?
A) One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit!

 

[melody]

A French Restaurant

A man went to a French restaurant. The menu was in French and he spoke no French.

When the waiter asked his choice, he told the waiter to bring out the restaurant's specialty.

The man had a truly fantastic meal.

The waiter asked if the man wanted dessert.

He responded that the waiter should bring out the restaurant's specialty.

The waiter that it was the peach poosay, and he would order it for him.

A short time later, a waitress came out with a covered silver platter.

She took the cover off and there was a peach that had been quartered and pitted.

The waitress proceeded to raise her skirt and take a piece of the peach and push it in and out of her vagina!

She then picked up the rest of the pieces and did the same thing with them.

The man called the waiter over an asked, "Am I actually expected to eat the peach after that?"

The waiter responded, "Why, no, Monsieur. You eat the poosay."

=====

It was the first day of school, and the teacher was calling the
roll. She came to a strange name. The boy's name was I P.P.
Rainwater. She called it out. When the youngster stood up, the
teacher demanded he tell her his real name, or leave her class.
As he was leaving, he looked over at his younger brother and said,
"Come on Shithead. She won't believe you either."

 

[melody]

Prescription For Viagra

An elderly couple were at home at the wife called out "So, when are
you going to the doctor"

"I told you, I'll go when I feel like going."

After 3 months of nagging, the old man finally walked into the
doctors office. "Doc," he said, "This is embarrassing, ut I'd like
to get a prescription for Viagra."

"Not a problem," said the doctor, as he started

"You don't understand," said the old man. "I am almost 90 years old
and I haven't had sex in more than ten years. I only want it to
stick out a little so when I pee, it doesn't get on my shoes."

====

Judge: You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your
fourth-story window.
Defendant: I did it without thinking, your Honor.
Judge: That's no excuse! Don't you see how dangerous it might have been for
anyone passing at the time?

 

[melody]

A Chinese Laundryman

This Chinese laundryman complained to the doctor that he was very
constipated.
The doctor gave him a prescription for a good laxative.
Come to my office in a few days, said the doctor, and let me know how it works.
A few days later, the Chinaman visited the doctor.
Have you moved yet,asks the doctor.
No, sir, me no moovee, me no moovee.
The doc thinks about it, and then gives him a prescription for twice as
much.
Three days later, when the man reported to the doc again, he said that
he still hadn't moved and the doc gave him a triple dose, and he said,
Come back to see me in two days and let me know just what is happening.
Two days later, the man returned.
Well, said the doctor, have you moved yet?
No, sir, me no moovee yet.
Me moovee tomorrow, though.
House full of shit.

=====

What did the post card say from the blonde?
Having a good time. Where am I?

Did 'ya hear about the blonde who..............
Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

 

[melody]

Blow Job Etiquette

Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.

2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.

3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.

4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.

5. My ears are NOT handles.

6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?

7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.

8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.

9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.

10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.

11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.

12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.

13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about the protein content.

14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.

15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.

16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning".

 

[melody]

A MAN'S ANSWERS TO EVERY QUESTION A WOMAN EVER ASKS

1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?


It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.


2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN?


Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.


3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?


We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.


4. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?


We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.


5. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?


You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.


6. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?


Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.


7. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?


Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.


8. WHY CAN'T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E. LIE DOWN AND HUG)?


Please... How many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam... Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.


9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?


Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.


10. WHY CAN'T MEN JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU?"


Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own character faults.


11. WHY DO MEN SAY "I LOVE YOU" WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?


Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.


12. WHY DOESN'T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?


We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.


13. WHY WON'T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?


Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.


14. WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?


This usually only occurs after months of courting. It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.


15. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?


It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err... buying?

 

[melody]

****** BY NATIONALITY

WHITE WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Third Date: You both get piss drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get piss drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mama Mia makes spaghetti &
meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

POLISH WOMAN:
First Date: You go to pick her up, and she isn't home. She
gave you the wrong address.
Second Date: You decide to meet at a restaurant. She gets
lost getting to the restaurant and then again going home.
Third Date: She's pregnant. She's not sure if its hers.

CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner,
nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already
realized nothing is going to happen again.

INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone else.

MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila,
have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later: her mother, father,
his girlfriend, two sisters, her brother, all their kids, her grandma, her father's
girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his three
kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in
your home that used to be nice, but now looks like it belongs somewhere
in the desert along the Rio Grande with chickens and goats in the front yard.

 

[melody]

The New Orgasm Implant

A recent news story detailed a medical implant which offers women the
chance to experience orgasms with the press of a button. Tiny electrodes
are implanted into the spine and a small signal generator in the skin
under the buttocks. The patient then controls the sensation with a
handheld remote.

Side Effects of the New Orgasm Implant:

1. Dramatic increase in the number of women seen hanging out at Radio Shack.

2. Cosmopolitan magazine folds due to a drastic shortage of cover
story headlines.

3. Dad: now surfs with two remotes
Mom: never complains
4. She never wants to cuddle anymore -- it's click, click, click, and she's out the door.

5. The Baptists hurriedly draft an extra Commandment.

6. Thanks to a malfunctioning garage door opener, you're looking at $600 bucks to fix the hole your wife kicked in the dashboard of your SUV.

7. The Energizer Bunny keeps coming and coming...

8. "Not tonight, Honey. I have a thumbache."

9. Finally, size really *doesn't* matter.

10. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention... I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I wasn't paying attention... I'm sorry..."

11. Every time your cell phone rings, you feel the uncontrollable urge to shout your surgeon's name.

12. Side effects? Who cares about... oh... *oh*... OH, GOD! YESSSSSS!!!!

13. In addition to "Mute" and "Favorite," the wildly popular Radio Shack
Ultimate Universal Remote now has a new button: "Big O."

14. Men no longer feel any responsibility toward satisfying their partner... errr,
never mind.

 

[melody]

Rebuttal Blow Job Etiquette (by a male)

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.

2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.

3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?

4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.

5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!

6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.

7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.

8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.

9. Play with the balls.

10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.

11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!

12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".

13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?

 

[melody]

Birth Control

A redneck took his daughter to the Gynecologist. They waited in the Doctor's office when finally the Doctor came in and asked the father: "Well, what are we here for today"?

The father answered: "to get my daughter on birth control, Doc".

"Well, is your daughter sexually active?", asked the Doctor.

"No", answered the redneck, "she just lays there like her mother".

=====

A soldier's wife slipped from the garrison
And had an affair with a Tim Harrison.
She was not over-sexed
Or jealous or vexed
She just wanted to make a comparison.

=====

Once sat herself down on a molehill.
A curious mole
Nosed into her hole
Ms. Vogel's ok, but the mole's ill.

 

[melody]

The Evils Of Sin

"A sermon", thought Father O'Flynn,
"I should write 'bout The Evils Of Sin...
But my mind is a blank,
So I'll sit here and wank,
'Til some new inspirations begin."

His housekeeper, taken aback,
Cried, "Oh Father! It's sinful to wack!"
So she whipped off her scanties,
(Her bra and her panties)
And guided him into her crack.

"Lord Jesus!" cried Father O'Flynn,
"Inspiration at last to begin!"
As his housekeeper dribbled
He grabbed paper and scribbled
His sermon: 'The Pleasures Of Sin'.

=====

A singer named Ursula Greville
Had a lousy affair with the devil
Her bush was so thick
It obstructed his prick
So he sent for the Barber of Seville
__________________________________

 

[melody]

Family Of Hillbillies

A typical family of hillbillies, Paw , Maw , Jethro and little Sally.
One day, Jethro asked, "Paw, what is Sex?" Paw says, "Since you are a
big boy I will show you." Paw hollers, "Maw get yourself in here!" Paw
then says,"Maw, take your clothes off and get on the bed. Now spread
your legs. "Paw says,"Jethro see that thar little hole? Now watch this!"
In the midst of Paw's demonstration Little Sally comes in and exclaims,
"What is going on? "Jethro answers, "Paw is teaching me about sex.
"Little Sally asks, "What is Sex? "Jethro replies, "See that little hole
on Paw? Now watch this!"

====

A big heavy set housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Mike! I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!"

He comes in, takes a look, and says, "Stand up, you silly old bat.

You're kneeling on one of your tits."
=====

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungee cord.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

 

[melody]

A British Sailor

A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London.

He meets a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her pants and her panties.

He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"

She says, "It's me lower mouth."

He says, "What do you mean, your 'lower mouth'?"

She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got a mustache...it's got lips..."

He says, "Has it got a tongue in it?"

She says, "Not always." =====

A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant.

The doctor says, "I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?"

The girl thought and then asked, "Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you FART?"

=====

A guy is suffering from severe headaches. The doctor says "I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes". Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?" "Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And, by the way you have a lovely home."

 

[melody]

Shipwrecked

A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.
They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there a
while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to
watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with
beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night
for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the
redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the redneck took his
arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to
enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman
the redneck had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued
her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden
was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It
was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle
breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the redneck started to get "those feelings" again. He
fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over
to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear... "Would you
mind taking the dog for a walk?"