JeSt fOr LaUgHs...

[melody]

Pregnancy

A blonde is pregnant, and is practically 9 months along. She goes to see her doctor for a routine check-up, but she is worried.

She asks, "What if the baby starts coming, and I can't get to the hospital in time."

The doctor replies, "Well, woman have been having babies for a million years without an attendance by doctors.

It's a very natural process.

The first thing you do is to assume the same position you were laying in when you got pregnant."

The blonde interrupts with, "Do you mean with the left foot in the glove compartment and the right foot hanging out the window?"

=====

There was a young actress from Crewe,
Who remarked as the vicar withdrew,
The Bishop was quicker
and thicker and slicker,
and two inches longer than you.

 

[melody]

THE OFFICIAL BLONDES SEX QUIZ

TRUE or FALSE?

1. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit in the Outback.
2. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird.
3. A menstrual cycle has three wheels.
4. The G-string is part of a violin.
5. Anus is the Latin word for yearly.

6. Testicles are found on an octopus.
7. Foetus is a character in "Gunsmoke".
8. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute.
9. A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.
10. A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.
11. Sodomy is a special kind of fast growing grass.
12. Genitals are people of non-Jewish origins.
13. Douche is the Italian word for twelve.
14. An enema is someone who is not your friend.
15. Scrotum is a small moon orbiting Uranus.
16. Climax is a weather balloon.
17. Condom is a small apartment complex.
18. Menopause is a button on the blueray remote control.
=====
The night before her wedding, Wendy talked with her mother.
"Mom," she said, "I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy."

The mother took a deep breath and began,
"When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing..."

"I know how to screw, mother," Wendy interrupted.
"I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna."

 

[melody]

Best Veggies In Town

This small farm town had a vegetable fair to see who grew the biggest and best vegetables at harvest time and every year the same old man won first place.

So one day his young and beautiful next-door neighbor asked him "How do you grow such big tomatoes mister?"

The man hesitated for a minute and whispered "Well honey, every morning at dawn, I take my robe off and flash the garden. "

The young woman was intrigued by his strategy and decided to try it also.

The following season the woman knocked on the old man's door.

The man came out and the girl confessed that she had been flashing her garden also but showed him that her tomatoes weren't any better than before.

After showing him the vegetables the young woman said, "My tomatoes may not be great, but you should see my cucumbers!"

=====

Bill sits up at the bar and says, “Poor me a double, Jack. I just had a fight with the old lady.”
“Oh yeah? How did this one end? Let’s just say when it was over she came to me on her hands and knees.”

“Really? Now that’s a switch! What did she say?” She said, “Come out from under that bed, you gutless weasel!”

 

[melody]

The RIGHT (R) And WRONG (W) Things To Say To A Man After Sex:

R: You're the one
W: Next.

R: You really know how to satisfy a woman.
W: What the hell was that? Do you have to catch a plane?

R: You're the best I've ever had.
W: You're almost as good as my cousin Earl.

R: What color are your eyes?
W: Is my discharge still brown?

R: You make me forget my problems.
W: You make me forget I'm just 15.

R: I think we should go away for the weekend.
W: I think we should go to the clinic.

R: I love you.
W: I love you.

=====

One year, a particular harried husband decided to buy his
mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't
used the gift I bought you last year!"

 

[melody]

Poetry Or Prose

The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class:

"Mary had a little lamb,
whose fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went,
the lamb was sure to go."

She explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from "the lamb was sure to go" to "the lamb went with her."

A few days later, she asked for an example of poetry or prose. Johnny raised his hand and said,

"Mary had a little pig --
An scrawny little runt.
He stuck his nose in Mary's Clothes
And smelled her little . . ."

He stopped, turned to the teacher, and asked, "Do you want poetry or prose?"

"Prose!" the teacher said weakly.

So Johnny said, " . . . Asshole."

=====

A decent young fellow named Herm
Was equipped with a geyser-like worm:
The size wasn't much
But its volume was such
That his lovers did backstroke in sperm.

 

[melody]

Mothers And Birds


The teacher announces, "The topic of the day is describe your mother to me as a bird, and tell me why."

She leaves the kiddies for a short while and then asks them their answers.

Kelly at the front goes first, "My Mummy's like a swan, because she's white and elegant"

"Thank you Kelly" says teacher, and she continues going around the class.

Bobby says "My Mummy's like a stork, cos she has babies and babies, and I have 7 brothers and 3 sisters."

"Thank you Bobby." says the teacher, and continues with the other students.

Finally there is no-one left but Little Johnny, so the teacher finally asks him, "Johnny, what bird most resembles your mother?"

Little Johnny pipes up with "A thrush!"

The teacher, thinking she may finally have a decent answer asks, "Why is that?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because she's an irritating bitch!"

 

[melody]

Hidden Signs Of ******!

The trick to successful ****** is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny give away gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize these key "signs."

1. Man gets in car without opening door for woman.
- No foreplay.

2. Can't hail a cab.
- Impotent.

3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant.
- Prefers virgins.

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant, but gets lost on the way.
- He is a virgin.

5. Wants to go to a French Restaurant.
- Will swallow.

6. Takes too long deciding what to order.
- Has trouble reaching orgasm.

7. Insists on ordering for you, saying, "The lady will have..."
- Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't.

8. Asks for "the usual"
- Insists on missionary position only.

9. Asks what the specials are.
- Will want you to use handcuffs.

10. Fills up on bread and crackers.
- Premature ejaculator.

11. Drinks decaf.
- Fakes orgasms.

12. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts.
- Needs you to talk dirty during sex.

13. Credit card is refused.
- Low sperm count.

14. Under tips waiter.
- Small penis.

15. Uses toothpick.
- Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.

=====

A dentist, young doctor Malone,
Got a charming girl patient alone,
And, in his depravity,
Filled the wrong cavity.
God, how his practice has grown.

 

[melody]

Little Johnny


An attractive woman turned to the man in the business suit behind her in the elevator.
Excuse me," she asked, "but aren't you Little Johnny?"

The man cleared his throat, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

"Oh," she gushed, "I've always wanted to meet you, Little Johnny. And now that we're together," she continued throatily, "I'll tell you what I'd like to do; I'm inviting you back to my room, where I'll kneel in front of you and pull out your cock and suck it till you have a giant hard-on and suck it some more until you come all over my face..."

"I don't know," said Little Johnny, thinking it over. "What's in it for me?
=====

The teacher hears Johnny cussing, so she gets pissed off and goes bitching to Johnny's father. She comes to Johnny's house and notices Little Johnny fucking a goat in the yard.

She walks in the house and screams to his father "Your son! Your son! He cussed in school and now, now he's being carnal with a goat in the yard!"

"Son of a bitch! Today is my turn!" shouted his father.

 

[melody]

Male Statements / True Meanings

Statement: "I'm a Romantic."
True Meaning: "I'm poor."

Statement: "I need you."
True Meaning: "My hand is tired."

Statement: "I am different from all the other guys."
True Meaning: "I am not circumcised."

Statement: "I want a commitment."
True Meaning: "I'm sick of masturbation."

Statement: "You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
True Meaning: "You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

Statement: "I really want to get to know you better."
True Meaning: "So I can tell my friends about it."

Statement: "It's just orange juice, try it."
True Meaning: "Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my
head."

Statement: "She's kinda cute."
True Meaning: "I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the
head might be necessary."

Statement: "I don't know if I like her."
True Meaning: "She won't sleep with me."

Statement: "I miss you so much."
True Meaning: "I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to
look good."

Statement: "Was it good for you?"
True Meaning: "I'm insecure about my manhood."

Statement: "How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
True Meaning: "Is my penis really that small?"

Statement: "I had a wonderful time last night."
True Meaning: "Who the hell are you?"

Statement: "Do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you might find out."

Statement: "Do you 'really' love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something stupid and you're going to find
out sooner or later."

Statement: "How much do you love me?"
True Meaning: "I've done something really stupid and someone's on
their way to tell you by now."

Statement: "I have something to tell you."
True Meaning: "Get tested."

Statement: "I'll give you a call."
True Meaning: "I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than
see you again."

Statement: "I've been thinking a lot."
True Meaning: "You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

Statement: "I think we should just be friends."
True Meaning: "You're ugly."

Statement: "I've learned a lot from you."
True Meaning: "Next!!!!"

Statement: "I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
True Meaning: "I gotta turn on my answering machine."

 

[melody]

The World According To Men

Every blowjob you give, adds one month to your life.

If you swallow, the protein ingested is equivalent to five porterhouse steaks - but contains only 150 calories.

A handjob a day keeps arthritis away.

Every ten minutes of dry humping is equivalent to ten minutes on the treadmill.

Doing it doggie-style will erase crow's feet and wrinkles.

Intercourse prevents divorce.

Regular screwing releases Vitamin F, which increases the number of brain cells.

Sex eliminates headaches.

Obeying the Eleventh Commandment, "Thou shalt make thy man hard", triples your chances of getting into
heaven.

Inviting an attractive female friend into bed with you and your lover earns you a diamond choker for your birthday.

=====

First soft drink maker

Q: Who was the first soft drink maker?
A: Adam-He made Eve's cherry pop

First carpenter

Q: who was the first carpenter?
A: Eve- she made Adams banana stand

The logo

Q: What's the logo for the new Polish tampon?
A: "We may not be number 1, but were still up there!"

The earthquake

Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
A: It did $100 million worth of improvements.

 

[melody]

Beer ~vs~ Pussy

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football
game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a
breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are
normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you
are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you
back.
Advantage: beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Draw

Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.

 

[melody]

Something To Offend Nearly Everyone
Q. What's the Cuban national anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Q. Where does an Irish family go on
vacation?
A. A different bar

Q. What did the Chinese couple name
their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong

Q. What do you call it when an Italian
has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment

Q. What does it mean when the Post
Office's flag is flying at half-mast?
A. They're hiring

Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans
on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work
in the future either.

Q. What do you call a Mississippi
farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.

Q. Why do Driver Education classes
in redneckschools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday,
the Sex Ed class uses it.

Q. What's the difference between a
southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description
of the animal on the front of the cage
along with a recipe.

Q. How do you get a sweet little
80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
A. Get another sweet little
80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"

Q. What's the difference between a
northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A. A northern fairytale begins, "Once
upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't
gonna believe this shit."

Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic
team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run,
jump or swim are already in the United
States.

 

[melody]

Vocabulary Meanings

1. DOOHICKEY:
A. Female................Any part under a car's hood.
B. Male......................The strap fastener on a woman's bra

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
A. Female................Fully opening up one's self emotionally to
another.
B. Male.....................Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
A. Female.............The open sharing of thoughts and feelings
with one's partner.
B. Male...................Leaving a note before taking off for a
weekend with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
A. Female..............A desire to get married and raise a family.
B. Male...................Not trying to pick up other women while
out with one's girlfriend.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
A. Female.............A good movie, concert, play or book.
B. Male..................Anything that can be done while drinking.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
A. Female............An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
B. Male.................A source of entertainment, self-expression &
male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
A. Female............The greatest expression of intimacy a couple
can achieve.
B. Male.................Call it whatever you want just as long as
we end up in bed.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
A. Female............A device for changing from one TV channel to
another.
B. Male.................A device for scanning through all 175
channels every 5 minutes.

=====

Q: What's worse than a cardboard box?
A: Paper tits!

Q: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
A: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

Q: How do you tell if a chick's too fat to fuck?
A: When you pull her pants down and her ass is still in them.

Q: What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

Q: Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Q: Why is it so hard for women to take a piss in the morning?
A: Did you ever try to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

 

[melody]

You Know It's Time For A Diet When:

*You dive into a swimming pool so your friends can go surfing.

*You have to apply your makeup with a paint roller.

*Weight Watchers demands your resignation.

*You step on a pennyweight scale that gives you your fortune and it
says,
"One at a time please!"

*Your face is so full that you look like you're wearing horn-rimmed
contact
lenses.

*The bus driver asks you to sit on the other side because he wants to
make a turn without flipping over.

*You're at school in the classroom and turn around and erase the entire
blackboard

*They throw puffed rice at your wedding.

*You hiccup in your bathing suit, and it looks like someone adjusting a
venetian blind.

*You fall down and try to get up, and in the process rock yourself to
sleep.

=====

On Answering Machines:

Did you ever hear one of these corny, 'positive' mesages on someone's
answering machine? They usually go something like this.......
"Hi, it's
a great day & I'm out enjoying it right now.

I hope you are too.

The thought for the day is, 'Share the love.'

Leave your name & number after
the beep. I'll get right back to ya."

>>

"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling..... Speaking of being
'positive', your test is back. STOP sharing the love!" Click.
=====

The teenager was developing rapidly, so her mother thought it
about time that she understood the facts of life.
"Liza," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a little chat about how
life is formed. As you know, a baby grows in a lady's tummy and..."
"It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mom," interrupted the daughter,
"but what I really want to know is how to fake an orgasm."

 

[melody]

Little Old Lady

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one
day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she
must speak with the president of the bank to open a
savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After
much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally
ushered her into the president's office (the customer
is always right!).The bank president then asked her
how much she would like to deposit.

She replied, $165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her
bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she
came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm
surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where
did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I
make bets."

The president then asked,"Bets? What kind ofbets?"

The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you
$25,000 that your balls are square."

"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet.
You can never win that kind of bet!"

The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take
my bet?"

"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that
my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there
is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer
with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the
bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror
checking his balls, turning from side to side, again
and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he
was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls
were square, and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little
old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's
office.

She introduced the lawyer to the president and
repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls
are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old
lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all
see.

The president complied.

The little old lady peered closely at his balls, and
then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot
of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly
banging his head against the wall.

The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's
the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that
at 10:00 am today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's
president's balls in my hand."

 

[melody]

Racetrack

The husband is watching TV suddenly his wife comes up behind him and slaps him on the head. Startled he asks; “What was that for”. She replies: I found this piece of paper in your shirt pocket with this Judy name on it. The husband explains he went to the racetrack and the favorite horse was “Judy” so he wrote it down. The wife apologizes. A couple of days later the wife comes behind her husband and hits him with a shovel, again he asks: “What was that for?" The wife replies: “Your horse just called and asked for you."
=====
A man walks into his doctors. The doctor asks the man why he is there.
He
replies, "It's my penis, I would like you to take a look at it."

The doctor says, "Very well then, if you get up onto the bed and get it
out I'll have a look for you."

The man jumps up onto the bed and produces a 12-incher from his
underpants. After about five minutes examining it, the bemused doctor
says, "I have to say, I can't see anything wrong with it."

To which the man replies, "I know, it's a fucking beauty, eh?!"

 

[melody]

The Truth Behind Men's Phrases

"Haven't I seen you before?"
"Nice ass."

"I'm a Romantic."
"I'm poor."

"I need you."
"My hand is tired."

"I am different from all the other guys."
"I am not circumcised."

"I want a commitment."
"I'm sick of masturbation."

"You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
"You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."

"I really want to get to know you better."
"So I can tell my friends about it."

"It's just orange juice, try it."
"Three more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."

"She's kinda cute."
"I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary."

"I don't know if I like her."
"She won't sleep with me."

"I miss you so much."
"I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good."

"Was it good for you?"
"I'm insecure about my manhood."

"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
"Is my penis really that small?"

"I had a wonderful time last night."
"Who the hell are you?"

"Do you love me?"
"I've done something stupid and you might find out."

"Do you 'really' love me?"
"I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later."

"How much do you love me?"
"I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now."

"I have something to tell you."
"Get tested."

"I'll give you a call."
"I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again."

"I've been thinking a lot."
"You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."

"I think we should just be friends."
"You're ugly."

"I've learned a lot from you."
"Next!!!!"

"I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"
"I gotta turn on my answering machine."

 

[melody]

Funny Shorties

There are a blonde, brunette, and a redhead at a maternity ward.

The redhead says she's having a girl because when she had sex she was on top.

The brunette says she's having a boy because the guy was on top.

The brunette and redhead notice the blonde starting to cry.

They asked her what was wrong and she said, "I'm having puppies.

=====

The young novice nun soon realized that the absence of sex in the convent was a problem.

She confessed to Mother Superior that it was unhealthy and she was restless.

"Comfort yourself with a candle," she was advised.

"I've tried that," she said, "But you get tired of the same thing wick in and wick out."

=====

A horny old trapper named Rex
Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex.
By incredible luck
His dick never got stuck,
But his nuts were just pitiful wrecks.

=====

Gerald: "Have you ever come across a man who, at the slightest touch,
caused you to thrill and tremble in every fiber of your being?"

Mabel: "Yes, the dentist."

=====

Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.

 

[melody]

You Just May Be A Nymphomaniac If...


. You become a Vaseline spokesperson.
. Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you.
. You go through a Sealy Mattress every week.
. Frederick of Hollywood actually comes to your door himself ...just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.
. You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.
. When they change your area code to 6969.
. Tetracycline is your best friend.
. McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".
. It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.
. When you've got a "Take a Number" machine at your door.
. When you get hemorrhoids on your shoulders.
. Your day starts and ends by rolling over.
. When the sperm bank calls for remnants.
. When you're wearing more latex than spandex.
. When your ceiling mirrors fog.
. When they install a revolving door at your apartment.
. When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.
. Madonna comes to you for pointers.
. When he doesn't even have to buy you a drink.
. When you have a room key to every hotel in town.
. Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.
. The only place you haven't had sex is on the moon.
. When a men's prison becomes a vacation "hot spot"
. When it only takes 2 licks to get to the center of a Blow Pop.
. When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.
. When other women begin to call you "Man's Best Friend".

 

[melody]

Johnny Go Deeper

There was once a boy named Johnny Go Deeper. He attended a school where his father was the principal, his mother was the vice principal, and his sister was an administrator. He stayed after class when the bell rang to speak with his teacher, Mrs. Johnson.

He began the conversation by saying. "Mrs. Johnson, please take off your shirt".

Mrs. Johnson quickly replied "No Johnny, I'm not taking my shirt off".

So Johnny says "I'll tell my mother and my father and my sister and they'll fire you.

So Mrs. Johnson removed her shirt.

Then Johnny says "Mrs. Johnson, please take off your skirt".

Mrs. Johnson quickly replied "No Johnny, I'm not taking my skirt off".

So Johnny says "I'll tell my mother and my father and my sister and they'll fire you".

Mrs. Johnson then removed her skirt.

Then Johnny says "Mrs. Johnson, please take off your bra and panties".

Mrs. Johnson quickly replied "No Johnny, I'm not taking my bra and panties off".

So Johnny says "I'll tell my mother and my father and my sister and they'll fire you".

Mrs. Johnson then removed her bra and panties.

Then Johnny says "Mrs. Johnson, please lay on the table".

Mrs. Johnson quickly replied "No Johnny,I will not lay on the table".

So Johnny says "I'll tell my mother and my father and my sister and they'll fire you".

Mrs. Johnson lays on the table.

So Johnny jumped on top of her and proceeded to try to penetrate her.

All of a sudden his mother walks in and yells "JOHNNY GO DEEPER"

So Johnny replies "I'm trying, I'm trying".

=====

There was a old man from Leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
great tuffs of grass
shot out of his arse
and his cock was covered in weeds.