JeSt fOr LaUgHs...

[melody]

Elderly People

There are three elderly people that get together on Friday night to play cards.

Normally they play in the kitchen but on this night the kitchen is being remodeled. Not having a card table they decide to play cards in the living room with no more than a paper spread over their laps.

Now the three people's name are Peter, Penny and Pricilla.

After a few hours the two ladies decide to "powder their noses." While in the powder room Pricilla looks at Penny and says "Penny did you see Peter's pecker poking through the paper in the parlor as we were playing poker?"

Penny replied "Pricilla, don't talk about Peter's pecker poking through the paper in the parlor as we were playing poker! It makes my pussy pucker and I can't pee!"

=====

Q: Whats the difference between erotic and kinky?
A: Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole chicken.
Q: Why don't men fake orgasm?
A: Coz no man would pull those faces on purpose.
Q: What are the small bumps around a woman s nipples for?
A: It's Braille for 'Suck here.'

 

[melody]

Deathbed

A man was lying on his deathbed, his wife there to comfort him during his last moments. Being a good catholic and a strong believer in confession he began to say something that he felt he needed to get off of his chest before passing from this present life. As he began to speak though, his wife told him not to speak, to save his strength but he would hear nothing of the sort for he knew the end was already near. So his faithful wife listened as he said in his rapidly fading voice, “honey, I love you so I feel like I should be the one to tell you this. I cheated on you with your sister, your sister's friend, and your sister's friend's sister.'' Now the man, having spent the last of his strength lay quietly as his wife looked at him with lovingly understanding eyes and said, ''I know...that's why I poisoned you.''

=====

There Are Four Kinds Of Sex

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

 

[melody]

Excuses For Wearing Your Wife's Underwear

10. I must have put them on by mistake in the dark.
9. I didn't have any clean ones left.
8. They make me feel closer to you.
7. I grew up getting my older sister's hand-me-downs.
6. Boxers don't come in pink.
5. There must have been a crease in the name, I thought it said Hanes for men.
4. It gives me greater empathy for the plight of women.
3. Men's underwear chafes my skin.
2. Sorry, I thought they were your mom's.
1. Does my butt look good in these?
=====
There was a young maid from Belfast
Who had trouble getting it past
The warts and the scabs
That she got from the lads
Who wiped their tools on her arse.

 

[melody]

Cool laughs

The only two things we do with greater
frequency in middle age are urinate and
attend funerals .

The trouble with bucket seats is that not
everybody has the same size bucket.

To err is human, to forgive - highly unlikely.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll
have millions of old ladies running around
with tattoos and pierced navels? (Now that's
scary!)

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow
it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche
than a Kia.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up
aching somewhere...you may be dead.

What is the loose skin around the pussy called?
The woman.

=====

Little Jill comes home from playing at Johnny's house. "Hey Mom, guess
what! Johnny's got a penis like a peanut!" Mom is understandably
confused for a second, then asks, "What, you mean it's shaped like a
peanut?" "No silly, it's salty!"

 

[melody]

Three Men

Three men are discussing their previous night's lovemaking.
The Italian says, "My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil, then we make wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes."
The Frenchman says, "I smooth sweet butter on my wife's body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for half an hour."
The Jewish guy says, "I covered my wife's body with schmaltz [chicken fat] and we made love. She screamed for six hours."
The others say, "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?"
He shrugs. "I wiped my hands on the drapes."

=====

A guy goes to a bar and asks, "Bartender, can you get me anything but a Bud Light?"
The bartender gives him a Genny.
Then the guy asks for anything for Bud Light again.
The bartender asks "What do you have against Bud Light?"
The guy says "Last time I drank so much Bud Light that I went home and blew chunks."
The bartender told him that wasn't so bad.
The guy says, "You don't understand, my dog's name is Chunks!"

 

[melody]

Brother And Sister

There once was a brother and a sister, fraternal twins, who were approaching their high school graduation. It was getting near prom night and neither of them had a date for it.

So one day, the girl approaches her brother and says, "Hey, you got a date for the prom yet?"

He says, "No, why? You got someone lined up for me?"

"You might say that. Why don't you take me to the prom?"

"Take you? You kidding? You're my sister!"

"Well, are you taking somebody else out?"

"You know I don't have a date, sis."

"And neither do I. But we both want to go to the prom, don't we?" Her brother nods.

She continues, "So we should go with each other."

The brother can't see anything wrong with her reasoning, so he tells his sister that if neither of them has a date by Wednesday evening he will take her to the prom.

Wednesday evening rolls around. Neither of the siblings has a date, so the brother tells his sister that he'll take her to the prom on Friday.

At the prom, both of them have a good time. The brother is glad that his sister talked him into taking her.

Then, while he's standing at the punch bowl, his sister comes up to him again.

"Hey, brother, let's dance. "

He looks around to make sure that nobody heard her. "Look, sis, this is the Senior Prom, okay? I'm not going to dance with my own sister at the prom, okay?"

"Don't be so shy. Look, Jimmy Elder is dancing with his cousin. So why can't you dance with your sister?"

"Oh . . . all right. "

So they dance, a slow number. The rest of the prom passes by and after a while it's over and time to go. Both of them have had a good time.

In the car, with the brother at the wheel, the sister looks over at him and says, "Let's not go straight home."

He gives her a curious look and says, "What are we going to do instead?"

"Oh, I don't know. Just drive around."

He agrees, and after they have driven around a while, out in the country, she looks over at him again and says, "Want to find some place to park?"

"Hell," he says, "are you crazy? You're my sister, I'm not going parking with you!"

"Who said anything about 'going parking'? Let's just pull over somewhere and talk for a while, okay? It's been a busy year for both of us, how long has it been since we've had a chance to talk to each other?"

So she finally talks her brother into pulling the car over on a secluded back road, and after a few minutes of idle talk, she looks over at him again.

"Hey . . . " she says.

"What?"

"Why don't you kiss me?"

"You've been suggesting a lot of weird things lately, you know that? I'm not going to kiss you, you're my sister! "And he reached for the ignition switch to start the car.

She reached out and took his hand. "I know I'm your sister. You've mentioned that a lot lately. And you're my brother. And don't we love each other? Why shouldn't we kiss if we feel like it?" She kissed him on the cheek and he kissed her back. After a few minutes of kissing, she whispered in his ear, "Come on. Let's do it."

"Do what?" said her brother, but he had a good idea of what his sister had in mind.

"You know what," his sister replied.

"I can't do that with you, you're my. . . " His voice trailed off.

While he was on top of her, his sister murmured, "You know, you're a lot lighter than Dad."

"I know," said her brother. "Mom told me."

 

[melody]

Condoms

In this age of safe sex the need for condoms are a must but some people
still have a difficult time buying them. Take my friend, Joe. Our local
store carries condoms behind the counter and you need to ask the
salesperson to get them.
So Joe went up to the salesperson, but he was so nervous he could
only ask where the straws were. So he bought the straws and left only
to have to come back to buy his condoms. Again Joe came into the store
and was still so nervous he could only ask where the tweezers were, so
he bought a pair of tweezers and left. Joe once again had to go back
and
buy his condoms. He went up to the salesperson and said, in a low
tone, "I need some condoms." The salesperson rang up the sale and said,

"First you come in to buy straws, then to buy tweezers, and now to buy
condoms." "What I want to know is..... are you going to suck it, pluck
it, or fuck it?"

 

[melody]

Tiny Miserable Baby

A woman marched into the doctors office with a tiny miserable baby that
was howling at the top of its lungs and demanded," Do something about
this baby".

After a quick examination, the doctor realized the baby was
malnourished. He's obviously not getting enough milk," he said
sternly. "is he being breast fed?”

"Yes," replied the woman.

"Then the milk supply isn't adequate. Please take your blouse off."

The woman obliged, and the doctor proceeded to give her a very thorough
breast exam, kneading, rubbing, massaging, and sucking each breast at
some length.

Finally, perplexed, he announced that he could see why there was a
problem. "You aren't producing any milk at all."

"Of course not," she responded." It's my sister's kid,"

"Why on earth did you come?" asked the doctor in amazement.

"I didn't," she replied, "until you started sucking on the other tit."

=====

A woman goes into a bar and orders a bottle of champagne. She takes
the
first glass and pours it down the back of her skirt. The bartender
looks
amazed as she pours another glass and again tips it down her skirt.
Finally, the bartender says: "Why are you pouring your drinks down
your
skirt?" "Well," the woman replies, "I've just won the lottery and this
is the only asshole I'm sharing it with!"

 

[melody]

Two Co-eds

There was nothing to do on this Thursday night, so the two co-eds were just hanging around the apartment.

Brenda, who was dressed in only a in bra and panties, was jiggling back and forth around their place doing some chores.

Abby, who was sitting on the bed, decided this was the night that she would reveal her secret to her room mate.

"Take a break", Abby said to her friend, "Come over here and sit down".

As soon as Brenda sat on the bed, Abby leaned over and kissed her full on the lips.

"I've always wanted to tell you something" Abby said, "It's kinda hard to say this... Well, let me be frank".

Brenda leaned toward her friend and said in a sexually husky voice:

"No darling... Let me be Frank".

=====

Two lonely guys are talking over lunch. The first guy says, “You would not believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said, ‘Take whatever you want!’ So I took the bike.”

The second guy says, “Good choice. Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

 

[melody]

Masquerade Party

A dark skinned man and his wife were going to a masquerade party in a couple
of days. The husband tells his wife to go to the store and get costumes for
them to wear. When he comes home that night he goes to the bedroom where
there laid out on the bed was a Superman costume.

The husband yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a
dark skinned Superman? Take this back and get me something else I can wear."

The next day the wife not too happy, returns the costume and gets a
replacement. The husband comes home from work once more and there laid out
on the bed was a Batman costume.

He again yells at his wife, "What are you doing? Have you ever heard of a
dark skinned Batman? Take this back and get me something I can wear to the
costume party."

By this time the wife is irate, so the next morning she goes shopping. When
the husband comes home again from work there laid out on the bed are three
items. One is a set of three white buttons, another is a white belt, and the
third item is a 2 x 4 of wood.

The husband yells at the wife, "What the hell are these for?"

The wife yells back, "You can take your clothes off and take the three white
buttons and put them on the front of you and go as a domino, and if you don't
like that one, you can take the belt and put it on and go as an Oreo cookie.
And if you don't like that one, you can stick the 2 x 4 up your ass and go as
a fudgesickle."

 

[melody]

15 MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE WHILE HAVING SEX:

1) BEING PASSIVE: Don't let him undress you and himself. Just help him a lil
bit like making the first step. It won't hurt. One more thing, just cause
we are men it doesn't mean that we must do all the job.

2) WEARING JEANS OR TIGHT PANTS: It takes time to take off these kinda
clothes. Every second counts. Remember one thing: the more time you got,
the more rounds you got. And the more rounds you got, the more you are
satisfied. Be smart.

3) GOING DOWN HALFWAY: Once you start going down, don't stop at the belly
button or around it. Keep going or just don't go below the neck at all.

4) CHOCKING HIS CHICKEN TOO HARD: Men feel pain, we are not as tough as you
think. No man has a leather Dick. You got to be smooth with the Dick.
Pulling it too hard doesn't make us feel horny, it hurts us even though we
don't tell you.

5) LICKING HIS EAR TOO MUCH: It's just the same as a dog licking a bitch's ass.

6) MOANING LIKE A RUNNER WHO NEEDS AIR: Better moan with style girl cause men
love to make fun of girls who can't moan like movies stars (Halle Berry,
Whitney Houston). Try not to make to much noise when you exhale.

7) SCRATCHING HIS BACK: We don't need no autographs, girls. It does not feel
good at all!! Depends on the length of the nails, and how deep you dig the
nail in our backs, they leave permanent marks. So keep your nails in your
pockets, please. If you feel the need to scratch a brother's back, either
grip the hell out of the sheets, or the headboard.

8) LETTING YOUR LONG HAIR FALL ON HIS FACE: Men need air: they breathe. So
please be intelligent a little bit. Don't just think about yourself :-)

9) JUMPING ON HIS HIPS 2 HARD: A man is not a horse so please take it easy
unless you got a big booty that can take care of the landing.

10) SCREAMING TOO LOUD WHEN YOU CUM: What are you, crazy??. Do you want us to
get caught by parents? Or you just love to see us jumping through the window
butt naked.

11) KEEP YOURSELF CLEAN: Everyone know that fish is the smell. But we don't
have to be smelling it when you take your drawls off. Please warn us if you
haven't freshened up. And nobody want to suck on no salty dirty titties.
Ladies, men aren't the only ones who sweat you know. And we sure don't want
you smelling like you work at a fish market either. Make sure your ass is
clean!! No man wants to eat off of a dirty plate.

12) NICE FEET: Make sure your feet are in check Every man has a certain turn
on, everything on a woman must be perfect, that's how we like it and love it.
Do not, I repeat do not!!! get in bed with us with your feet looking like
you've been walking barefoot on toxic waste. You know what I'm talking
about, nail polish coming off halfway, smelly like hell, uneven toenails,
soles are ashy as hell feeling like sandpaper, it's hard to perform good
foreplay when you have hammertime, and worst of all, don't even think about
asking us to suck your toes if they look like they been beaten with a
sledgehammer (ugly). We're not to fond of unpolished toes either. We like
them soft, smooth, pretty, and most of all tasty looking.

13) GIVING HEAD: Some women have a very bad habit of using their teeth. That
is not a banana. It's a hell of a difference between a Dick and a banana.

14) AFTER SEX: BROADCASTING Don't go bragging to your girlfriends that you so
called got us "whipped" or "sprung". It's not cool at all, especially when
his homies are around.

15) KEEP IT REAL: When you're at the point of a breakup in a relationship,
don't wait until then to tell us we didn't knock it right. You know damn
well we had you climbing walls & walking on air.

 

[melody]

Having A Baby

There were three gals who were getting married and all met at the marriage counselor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.

There were two city gals and one farm gal.

The counselor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile.

They all agreed that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and all agreed to wait awhile.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, the rhythm method. That will work said the counselor if you keep a good record.

He asked the second gal what system she planned on using. I plan on using birth control pills she said. Again he said, yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them.

He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, the pail and saucer, method. After a short delay, he again told her that should also work.

He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.

They all met again one year later and the two city gals were pregnant. Only the farm gal was slim and trim yet.

Well the counselor asked the first gal what method she used and what went wrong.

She replied that she used the rhythm method, but somehow got her notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.

He asked the second city gal what method she used and she replied, the birth control pill but we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.

He turns to the farm gal and told her that I vaguely remember you were going to use the pail and saucer method. .Now I must admit that I don't have a clue what the pail and saucer method is.Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.

She replied, "Well we make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a pail turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, I kick the pail out from under him.

 

[melody]

A Mini Bus

A very tall man was sitting next to a big woman in a mini bus that was traveling on a long and lonely highway for hours.

It was beginning to rain, so all the windows were closed.

The man needed to fart, but was scared that the woman would smell it.

Very gingerly he lifted his bottom and farted silently, he smelled it and wanted to form a conversation with the woman just in case she smelled it.

He looked out the window and said to her " You see that black cloud in the sky? That has rain behind it."

She then said," You smell that fart? That has shit behind it.

=====

Two little boys are talking in the backyard. “My daddy’s got a penis,” says the first.

“My daddy’s got two penises,” says the second.

“No way,” says the first. “Yeah,” says the second. “He’s got a small one to pee with and a great big one to clean the baby-sitter’s teeth!”

=====

There was a man named McFeeney
Who spilled some gin on his weenie.
Not being uncouth
He added vermouth
And slipped his girl a martini.

 

[melody]

Who Is Jack Schitt? The Lineage Revealed.

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone
says "you don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle
the situation.

Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe
Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the
owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply
religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The
twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva
Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced.
Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids
were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous
name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a
cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva
Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and
consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual
ceremony.

The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse.
Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the
world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa
Schitt.

Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you
can correct them.

 

[melody]

A Huuuuge Hangover
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business function. He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping – Love you!!"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 am! drunk and out of your mind. You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

"So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, b#@*H, I'm married!!!”

Broken table - $200

Hot breakfast - $5

Red Rose bud - $3

Two aspirins - $0.25

Saying the right thing, at the right time...

Priceless

 

[melody]

Rich Man And A Poor Man

Rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary. They're both
at Madison Avenue shopping for their wives. Poor man says to the Rich
man, "What'd you get your wife this year?"

He says, "A Mercedes and a huge diamond ring."

The poor man says, "Why'd you get her both?"

The Rich man says, "If she doesn't like the ring, she can take it back
happy."

The Poor man says, "O.K. That works."

The Rich man says, "Well what did you get your wife?"

The Poor man says, "A pair of slippers and a dildo."

The Rich man says, "Why'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo?"

The Poor man says, "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck
herself!"

=====

"I've got some good news and some bad news" the doctor says.
"What's the bad news?" asks the patient.
"The bad news is that unfortunately you've only got 3 months to live".
The patient is taken back, "What's the good news then Doctor?".
The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk, "You see that
blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up
to heaven?"
The patient nods his head and the doctor replies, "I'm fucking her."

 

[melody]

Battle Of The Sexes

Things NOT to Say to a Naked Man...
*That's it?
*Wow - look at all the hair on your back!
*Maybe you should start going to the gym more.
*That was fine, dear...pass me my vibrator?
*Thats a shame, maybe we should grab a video instead?
*Wake me when it's over, ok?
*I think the condom's too big.
*Zzzzzz....
*You want me to what?!?
*Well, that explains the padded pants.
*Did you take out the garbage yet?
*My husband's in the Marines.
*He's due home any day now.
*Is that a toupee?
*So THAT'S what your ex warned me about!
*No.
*Surgery might be able to help.
*Not until you've showered.
*That must be my mother on the phone.
*Your brother's bigger.
*Your best friend's better.
*Are you done yet?
*Wow! Look at the size of your.....beer gut!
*Size doesn't REALLY matter, dear.
*You might want to see a doctor about that.
*Hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[melody]

Guys Going Fishing


Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

Second guy: "That is nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "Fishing or Sex" ..and she said, "Wear sun-block."

=====

Q. How can you tell if you eat pussy well?
A. You wake up in the morning with a face like a glazed doughnut and a
beard like an unwashed paintbrush.

Q. What does 70 year old pussy taste like?
A. Depends!

Q. What's the hardest thing about a sex change operation?
A. Inserting the anchovies.

Q. What do you call a female clown?
A. A Clunt

Q. What do you call a female police officer that shaves her pubic hair?
A. Cunt Stubble.

Q. Why did God invent yeast infection?
A. So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying cunt.

 

[melody]

Battle Of The Sexes
(Part 2)

Things NOT to say to a naked woman...
*Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon.
*How many storage boxes can you fit in there?!
*You must be very experienced.
*Remember, you said this was a freebie...right?
*Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in.
*I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it.
*Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt.
*Would you mind rolling around in this flour.
*I heard carpenters dream about you.
*So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
*Look....I can get my whole arm in.
*It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
*Is that an optical illusion?
*If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in.
*Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head?
*Do you mind if I wear one too...in case yours falls off?
*Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish?
*I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
*Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
*I've been wondering all night what that smell was.
*Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body.
*You know they have surgery to fix that.
*Everybody down at the bar said you were good.
*Oh, that's why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away.
*Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel.
*I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so.
*You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway.
*You're not 'that' fat.
*I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out.
*Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does.

 

[melody]

So You Want The Day Off

Let's take a look at what you are asking for.

There are 365 days per year available for work.

There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have two days off per
week, leaving 251 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours a day away from work, you have used up 170
days, leaving only 81 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks, that accounts for 23
days a year leaving 68 days available.

With a 1 hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days,
leaving only 22 days available.

You normally spend 2 days sick per year, this now only leaves you 20
days available.

You get 5 days public holidays a year, so your working time is now
down to 15 days a year.

We generously give you a 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only
1 day available for work.

So if you think you are going to that day off, You out of your mind!!!

=====

We've been married a little over four years, and we just celebrated our
"Wooden" Anniversary. I asked her to give me a blow job and she
"wooden."